Humor
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Dinner Plate Behind You (2)
A famous My 600-Pound Life nurse, halfway to looking like that creepy puppet Lady Elaine Fairchilde from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, opens the door of the waiting room and calls out, “Shelby Grace.” Shelby Grace struggles to get out of the chair almost as much as she struggled to get into the chair. “Help me, Lawrence,”… Continue reading
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A Restless Vessel
He was feeling restless in his overheated testicles on that day when everything changed. The man named Steeple resembled a yellow wooden pencil as he shimmied down the sidewalk and away from the store on Story Street that sold mostly women’s lingerie and unmentionable undergarments. One of the clerks in the store had caught him… Continue reading
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The As Usual Eyebrows
For some reason the cement tasted like butterscotch pudding when I got shoved to the sidewalk, face hitting first, teeth bent, nose shoved to one side, forehead gashed, and the worst of it… Eyebrows completely scraped off, now two little brown caterpillars on the sidewalk dying in the morning sun. When I got up and… Continue reading
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The Chick-fil-A Witch Project
She looked at me with grave concern. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, with everything that happened with your guts last night.” Continue reading
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The Misty-Eyed Stormtrooper (Episode II)
The Unexpected Meeting When things had quieted down and most of the other stormtroopers were settling into the barracks for the night, Karl retrieved his secret cookbook from its hiding place and snuck off to the communal kitchen to bake bread. He rummaged through the cabinets to gather bowls and utensils and pans and all… Continue reading
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Episodes of the Ephemeral Green Ego
Ephemeral Green Ego. I hesitated to tell him because he had a bad habit of being overly judgmental. “I dreamt about the Jolly Green Giant.” Continue reading
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The October Oatmeal Project (A Halloween Story)
The ghost of Wilford Brimley rode upon an ocelot across the dry-skinned floor of the salt flats out beyond the perimeter of Brigham City, Utah, where he lived in a holy water and whitewashed adobe abode. Continue reading
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The Misty-Eyed Stormtrooper (Episode I)
On the planet Placitas in the far away galaxy of Fresh, a young stormtrooper bemoaned his place in the endless universe from the barracks at Outpost 9. Continue reading
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Have You Heard of Personal Space?
I don’t know what it is, but lately I feel like a human magnet. That’s not the same as a chick magnet. Continue reading
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Willy Wanker and the Keto Bread Factory
As Wilford Brimley would say, I have DIE A BEE TUSS. And when you have DIE A BEE TUSS, you can’t eat anything that tastes good. No sweets, no pasta, no rice, no bread, no potatoes, no soda, no ice cream, no candy, no pizza, no hamburgers, no CEREAL!… And the list seems to go… Continue reading
cereal after sex 