Serena sat on a grassy knoll overlooking a meandering stream of cool water. She smoked a cigarette and thought about life. “Ignorant dullards the lot of them,” she said aloud to herself. She tossed the burning butt into the stream and watched it bob and weave its way to another place and time.
“That’s polluting,” said an odd voice from behind her.
Serena whipped her head around. She was scared. There stood a young man in strange clothes.
“Who are you?” Serena wanted to know.
“My name is Paul. I’m an apostle of magic. Do you mind if I sit with you for a spell?”
Serena looked at him up and down. He was charmingly well-built, yet resembled a down-on-his-luck scarecrow who had wandered off from his field. “I suppose it would be all right,” she said. “But just so you know, my daddy’s farm isn’t far off, and he has guns, and a mean streak.”
“Don’t worry young lady, I’m not a violent person or a scam artist or anything like that. I’m just a traveling magician. I mean you no harm.”
“You don’t look much like a magician. Where’s your fancy suit and your top hat with the rabbit inside?”
Paul saddened a bit and looked around at the beautiful, natural world for an answer. “Right. Well, I guess you could say I’m not very successful at being a magician. And truth be told, I’m not really that kind of a magician. I’m not a birthday party magician. I’m a real practitioner of old-world magic.”
Serena burst out laughing. “Bullshit!”
Paul took grave offense. “But I am.”
“All right then, prove it.”
Paul got to his feet. “Okay. But you must close your eyes.”
“What kind of a magician makes people close their eyes?”
“Just do it, please.”
Serena did as he said and closed her eyes. “So, what sort of a trick are you going to do?”
“Hush now, girl. I need to concentrate. But if you must know, I’m going to make myself disappear. Keep your eyes closed and count to 10. Once you reach 10, you can open them, and if everything goes right, I will magically vanish.”
She heard him scuttle away as she counted. “Ten!”
Serena opened her eyes and looked around. Paul was nowhere to be seen. She got up and scanned the landscape. The area was thick with trees. “Hello!?” she cried out.
Someone suddenly tapped her on the shoulder. Serena spun around.
“Looking for me?” Paul said with a grin.
“Where did you come from so suddenly?”
“That’s my secret. Let’s just say it’s magic.”
“I don’t believe you,” Serena said. “You were just hiding behind that stump or something.” She pointed listlessly.
Paul looked up to the sky and smiled. “Believe what you will… What shall we do now?”
“I don’t know. But I want to know more about you. You said you were an apostle of magic. Who’s your spiritual leader?”
He gazed into her cyanic-colored eyes that mirrored the sky. He turned as he spoke, arms stretched upward. “The entirety of the universe, dear girl. Many stars, many planets, many creators, many motherships, many dimensions.”
“That encompasses most everything, which in turn leads me to believe you constructed that statement to derail my question,” she said.
Paul sensed that this one was much more perceptive than he expected. It was something the dreams failed to reveal to him. “Nonsense,” he professed. “Absolute nonsense.”
She studied his gentle oddness as she thought. “Do you go to church where you come from?”
Paul scoffed and slapped the air with his hand. “Puffing wishes to some imaginary old fairy man out by the moons is an exercise in utter futility.”
“That’s blasphemy!” Serena objected. “And you better not let my father hear you say something like that. He’ll have your hide.”
“And I’ll turn him into a three-legged mothman if he tries to lay a finger on me. And besides, who said anything about me meeting your father?” He smiled at her. “Unless. Are you sweet on me? Do you want to get married?”
“Eww, no!” Serena protested. “I’m not of marrying age yet. Don’t be stupid. And even if I was, I wouldn’t marry someone who has no belief in God. I don’t want my children going straight to hell the second they pop out of my belly.”
Paul chuckled out loud. He put his hands on his hips like an over dramatic Robin Hood and cast his gaze toward somewhere else. “You are an interesting and curious girl, and I would like to go to where you come from. I could meet your family, and I may even show them a few of my tricks.”
She pondered his request for a moment. He was strange, yes, but seemed harmless otherwise. “I suppose that will be all right,” she agreed. “But no bad mouthing the Lord. Do you understand?”
Paul rolled his eyes out of her view. “Yes, yes. All right. I’ll do my very best to be my very best.”
When they arrived at the house, Sarrah, Josiah, and Reverend Savior were sitting in the front room in a solemn silence staring up at the can of rabbit that just hovered there in the air, a mystifying soft glow surrounding it.
What is this!?” Serena cried out when she entered the room with Paul following.
The canned rabbit suddenly dropped to the floor with a thud as if suddenly let go by some unseen entity.
The room gasped. Paul went over and picked it up. He studied it for a moment and then looked around the room at the people there. “Who’s the master of levitation?” he grinned as he looked the can over before setting it on a table. “That’s quite a trick.” He nodded his head in the reverend’s direction. “Was it you, padre?”
“Serena?” Josiah said. “Who is this you’ve brought into our house?”
“This is my friend, Paul. I met him in the woods. He’s a magician.”
“And just what was it you were doing out in our woods?” Josiah wanted to know, casting an untrusting eye upon the suspicious young man. “Mixing up potions and conjuring evil, huh?”
Paul steadied himself before the pressing eyes of the room. “Nothing like that, sir. I just like to walk outside and think about things. I suppose I may have inadvertently wandered onto your property, and for that my sincerest apologies. However, I did have the good luck of happening upon your daughter. A lovely soul she is.”
Josiah grunted his disapproval over that remark.
The reverend cleared his throat. “Where are you from, boy? I’ve never seen the likes of you around these parts, and I know pretty much everyone.”
“You’re right, reverend. I’m not local to the area. I’m from up north near Livingston.”
“Livingston?” the reverend said. “That’s a bit of a distance away to just wander off from.”
Paul bowed his head. He wanted sympathy. “It’s where I’m from but I don’t have a home there anymore. My family ran me off. I suppose I’m something like a hobo or whatever you call someone without a proper place to lay his head at night.” He looked at Josiah to make a point. “I’m not evil, though.”
Sarrah shot up from her chair and went to him. Something she couldn’t control drew her to the odd young man named Paul. Sarrah felt an unfamiliar spiritual jolt inside her. She went to him and put her hands on his shoulders and looked directly into his bewildering eyes. Sarrah made sure he saw the words spill from her mouth as she slowly pronounced them. “Welcome to our home, Paul. Would you like to stay for supper?”
“Now hold on a minute,” Josiah protested. “I’m not sure I want a stranger joining us at our dinner table. Especially a trespassing self-proclaimed magician.”
“Are you not a self-proclaimed Christian!?” Sarrah shot back.
“Of course I am!” Josiah answered.
“Then act like one! He’s in need and we should welcome him, not just judge,” Sarrah scolded her husband. She returned her attention to Paul. Sarrah suddenly hugged him, and she enjoyed the feeling of his firm body. “You’re staying for supper, Paul. End of story.” Some great passionate force worked inside her. She almost kissed him, but then made herself stop before she did.
“Yes, mam,” Paul said with a knowing smile. His heart pounded from being so close to her like that. The name Sarrah ignited and chimed in his head and heart. He glanced at the canned rabbit on the table and pointed. “Is that what we’re having to eat tonight?”
Everyone in the room burst into a fit of hysterical laughter.
They gathered around the table among a plethora of dishes and bowls and cups and platters: Bubbling, succulent pork chops on the bone, a potato casserole, a tossed salad, green beans with bacon, creamed corn, deep red beets, radishes, olives, cheese and crackers, a plop of sauerkraut, and a basket of the remaining Easter eggs.
Paul looked it all over with wide eyes as if he had never eaten a thing in his entire life. “Good golly Miss Molly,” he said out loud. “I haven’t seen a spread like this in what seems like an eternity.”
Josiah snapped his napkin and laid it out upon his lap and eyed the young man. “An eternity is an awful long time.”
“Yes, sir. I know it is.”
“Why don’t you say grace?” Josiah said to Paul.
“Grace?”
“A prayer,” Sarrah said. “We always say a prayer before we eat.”
“I really don’t know much about praying,” Paul stumbled.
“Pray!” Josiah bellowed.
“Now, now, Josiah,” Reverend Savior injected. “There’s no need to yell at the boy. If he’s never prayed, how’s he going to know?”
“The food is getting cold,” Serena said.
“I’d be more than happy to do the prayer,” the reverend said. “It is my job, after all.”
Josiah ignored him and pointed his fork toward Paul. “You just talk to God,” he said. “You tell him how you feel and how thankful you are for all the blessings he’s bestowed upon us.”
Paul looked at Sarrah and smiled. “But it’s your dear wife who prepared the meal, not a man in the clouds.”
Sarrah squirmed. She feared the worst for Paul over what he had said. She sensed Josiah’s blood boiling deep inside his body. There would be an outburst at any moment, she thought. A terrible outburst that would send dishes and food flying. Sarrah knew she would end up getting beat for pushing the young man to stay, but she just couldn’t help it. There was something moving her within the hope of desire. Sarrah also knew she would be willing to take a beating for Paul. With each strike of Josiah’s hand or belt, she would think of Paul and what would surely come. But how? Why? What was going on?
Josiah was trembling. He took a deep breath. For some reason he could not fathom, he was trying to calm himself. He was trying to take Paul’s side in the matter of religion. “I can’t blame you for not understanding the true depth of what God really is,” Josiah said. His own ears were in disbelief. “If you haven’t grown up with it, if you haven’t been taught the true way, then it’s not right of me to take offense. Instead,” he said. “I should help you learn the truth.”
Josiah pushed his chair back and went into another room. When he returned, he was holding a small Bible. He handed it to Paul. “Here, I want you to have this. I have others.”
Paul took the Bible and looked around the table. Everyone was gently smiling at him.
“That there is the mind of God,” Josiah said. “Explore it. Believe me, there is no greater gift.” He sat back down at the table. “That’s prayer enough,” he said, and they all began to eat.
After they had finished the bountiful meal and enjoyed a delicious dessert of strawberry Schaum Torte, Paul suggested that he would like to perform a magic trick for them.
“Now, I want you all to close your eyes and count to 43 very slowly,” he instructed. “When you’re done counting, you may open your eyes, and I will have vanished. I assure you all, you will be amazed.”
“I say, it doesn’t sound like much of a magic trick when you make your audience close their eyes,” the reverend complained. “Why, he could just slip out the back door and we’d never see him again, his belly full of a free meal.”
“Calm down, padre,” Josiah said in defense of the young man whom he has quickly taken a liking to. “Let him do his little magic trick. I want some entertainment around here.”
Sarrah suddenly shot up from her chair and started applauding enthusiastically. “Do it, Paul!” she exclaimed. “Show me your magic wand!”
Paul glanced at her and smiled. His warm soul reveled in the sight of her shapely yet meaty body, the sparkling of her bewildering amethyst eyes, the fullness of her intelligent breasts, the sensual beckoning of her mouth, her domestic simplicity. He wanted to take her like an animal right then and there on the table. He had no concerns over the cooling scraps of food or the sharp knives and other implements. He didn’t even care if the others stayed there and watched. Paul wanted to plow her like an autumn field beneath the grace of the universe.
Sarrah, Josiah, Serena, and the reverend closed their eyes and began to count. Paul quickly slipped away from the dining table and made for the staircase to the second floor of the old farmhouse. He stepped slowly and gently for fear of a creaking board under his weight giving him away.
When he reached the upper hallway, he slithered along in search of Sarrah and Josiah’s bedroom. He assumed they slept together. It was a grand room in one corner of the house with large windows looking out upon the pastoral surroundings in which they lived. He paused for a moment and relished the grandeur of the mountains and the sky above them before sitting down at a vanity table and looking at himself in a mirror.
“I think I’m going mad,” Paul said to himself as he slowed time. He cocked his head to one side. He studied his long, coiled hair. It was the color of polished rust. He looked at his geometric, chiseled face. He gazed into his own darkened yellow eyes. Burnt hazel is what they call it, he thought. “Am I truly the reason for all the disarray in this world?” His reflection became serious. “I can’t be. No one should take on a burden like that. Not even me.”
He got up from the vanity and went to what he knew was Sarrah’s dresser. He pulled the drawers open until he found her underwear. Paul removed a pair and held it before his face before crushing it into his nose and mouth and breathing in deeply. He went through them all, pair after pair, and did the same thing with each, placing them back into the drawer when finished. Except one. It was pink with a white waistband, and he stuffed it down his pants. They were drawing closer now, he thought. Imaginary touching slowly materializing into reality. This he knew with certainty. He and Sarrah in some obscure and divine loving embrace.
He suddenly stopped his thoughts, and his own mind opened his eyes wide and showed him. “It’s happening again,” Paul said aloud.
He restarted time and soon heard footsteps scrambling up the stairs. He made for the closest window and opened it. He peered out and it was a long way down it seemed. He gritted his teeth and stepped out, shutting the window behind him. He closed his eyes and let his body relax completely while in a transitory state. He just let go and tumbled down into the arms of someone who wasn’t even there. He embraced the ghost and ran from the house, through the tall fields of a spring day. He looked back only once and saw her in the very same window he had escaped through. His heart rushed for Sarrah as he fled into the forest.
The strangest thing the Peppercorn family had there on the eating table was the canned rabbit. The label was pink and depicted a small cerulean-blue rabbit frolicking through a field of psychedelic Easter eggs from outer space. There were also two baskets filled to the brim with Easter eggs, colorful, impeccably decorated. It could easily be gathered by someone peeking in the window that this was of course some Easter celebratory feast.
The mother was Sarrah, and she wore a polka-dot dress and an apron about her waist. She was standing over a delicious looking cake in the center of the table and she was smiling, beaming with pride. She was poised to cut three slices out. The girl beside her was Serena, an exact replica of her mother—same polka-dot dress, same golden-red hair in a floppy ponytail, same dazed and fictional expression. The father was Josiah Peppercorn, and he sat at the end of the table waiting to be served a piece of the cake. He resembled an Amish accountant. He wore an orange sweater vest over a silver shirt. His hair was brown and thick and covered most of his face as well… Yes, it was a beard. He was looking at the cake and smiling. He had a swollen hand. The woman had a black eye. There had been some sort of disagreement the night before.
Serena remembers the yelling and rattling noises coming from behind their closed bedroom door. That was when she snuck outside with her Teddy bear to smoke a cigarette. She couldn’t take the chaos. Now, she was holding a red easter egg close to her face and peeling it. Once she removed all of the thin shell, she dusted it with some salt from a shaker that looked like a Medieval barbarian. She put it into her mouth and severed the egg with her teeth at the halfway point. She chewed. She swallowed. She drank some of her milk. Then she broke the uncomfortable silence. “Why do you two always have to fight like that? It’s terrifying to me.”
Sarrah and Josiah beamed at the girl. The man cleared his throat. “It’s none of your concern, child. These are adult matters.”
“How’s the Easter egg, dear?” Sarrah chimed in as a distraction.
“It smells funny, Serena said. After dabbing at her mouth with a napkin, the girl looked at them in turn and said, “But I live in this house too. So, it is my concern. And you two should be concerned about my well-being. All this fighting and screaming and hitting is very damaging to my psyche and could very well affect me in a very negative way down the road. You don’t want me to have a maladjusted life, do you?” Serena though she already did.
The mother turned away and went to the sink and began to wash cups and plates. She looked out the window at the mountains. A tear leaked out of her black eye. Josiah slammed his hand down on the table and the can of rabbit jostled. An easter egg popped out of one of the baskets and hit the floor with a rubbery thud. “You will not talk to us this way, Serena. You are the child, and we are the adults. Our worlds do not mingle.”
“That makes absolutely no sense, father. You’re being stupid.”
The mother dropped a plate, and it broke.
Josiah got up from the table in a frenzy. He gripped the can of rabbit. He was boiling mad and went at the girl to bash her head in, but something stopped him just short of striking her. He dropped the can, and it rolled away to hide somewhere. Josiah turned from his family in shame and rushed out of the house. Sarrah watched out the kitchen window as he briskly moved through the yard toward the barn. She could tell he was grumbling. She turned to face Serena. “Now look what you’ve done. You’ve upset him with your vicious tongue, and now I will have to pay the price for it.”
Serena began to cry. “I’m sorry, mother. I was just trying to be truthful and stand up for myself.”
The woman sighed heavily. “Why can’t you just be a normal young lady? Go on now, to your room and think about what you did. Do not hesitate to pray over your misdeeds. The Lord will guide and forgive you.”
Sarrah found him alone in the barn and he was weeping at his workbench. She placed a hand on Josiah’s shoulder from behind, and he nearly jumped out of his clothes.
“Do you want to give me cardiac arrest!” he chided her. “My heart already aches from the punishment of this world.”
“No, of course not. I’m sorry. I was just checking on you.”
He looked his wife over with distaste. “You need to learn to leave a man in peace when peace is what he seeks.”
“I was worried about you. You seemed so upset at Serena.”
“Of course I was upset! That girl shows me no respect. She’s wicked. Very, very wicked.”
“She’s not wicked, she’s just strong-willed.”
He looked at her and shook his head. “It’s like a god damned mutiny around here. I’m sure you’d both be glad to do me in.” He gestured toward the heavy bench vise on the worktable. “There you go. I’ll just stick my head in there and you and crank it until my skull is crushed. How’s that? I bet you’d like that.”
“Please stop. I would never do that or think that. You’re acting foolish, and don’t swear like that. It’s awful.” She watched him as he breathed heavily. “What were you crying about anyway?”
He looked at her and then down to the ground. He spat into the dirt of the barn floor. “I was feeling bad for being such a rotten man. You know, for hitting and yelling. I’ve been ungodly. I was sad about that.”
“Oh, my dear Josiah.” She reached out her hand and touched the side of his face. “You’re like one of those fancy rollercoasters the crazy people in the big cities go on. Up and down, up and down you are. And at great speeds, but then slow.” She pushed her body against him and whispered into his ear. “But hear me good, crazy man. Don’t ever strike me again. Ever. And if you do, I’ll leave you, and I’ll take Serena with me, and you’ll never see either one of us ever again and you can just come out here all by yourself and cry all day long. Cry like a little girl.”
Josiah pushed her away. “You hag. You filthy trot! You will not speak to me like that!”
She smirked and giggled as she defensively backed away. She could sense his anger bubbling over like hot pea soup in a kettle. Sarrah was scared, but at the same time she wanted to ruffle his feathers a bit.
“And what was that with all the Easter festivities and the food and the canned rabbit that we didn’t even touch,” Josiah scolded. “What was all that for? Why be so godly when your whole plan is to leave me broken and in pieces. I’m sure your dirty whore mind is scheming to run off with another?”
“I never said anything about running off with another. But then again, I might. A fresh rod under the sheets might do me some good. Where’s yours been lately?”
Josiah reached for a heavy wrench that was on the workbench and went at her like a wildman with little sense in his head. But before he could hit her, and likely kill her, a young girl’s voice bellowed out from the opening of the barn.
“Stop it!”
Josiah dropped the wrench onto the ground. “Now, now, Serena,” he said, his eyes wide and fixated on the large shotgun she held in her small hands as she moved closer. “What are you doing with that gun? You don’t know how to use it. Be a good girl and put it down.”
“I’m not a good girl, daddy,” Serena snapped. “And if you don’t shut up and stop being mean to my mother, I’m going to blow your balls into the next county over. And considering what county that is, them folks are likely to eat them up with some warm gravy.”
He looked at his wife. “Go on and tell her to put that god damn thing down! And to stop being so gross.”
There was a sudden moment of stillness in the barn and a silence fell over them. Moments later, all three of them burst into hysterical, psychotic laughter. Sarrah threw her hands in the air. “What in the hell are we doing!?”
Serena set the shotgun down and went over to her parents for a warm embrace in the center of the barn.
Josiah held them close and kissed each one on the head as if he loved them dearly. “I’m so damn sorry, girls. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately. I feel so lost and confused. I wake up with a trembling in my heart and head that I just can’t explain. When I set out to go down the path of righteousness, something yanks on my steering wheel and derails me into wickedness.”
Serena looked up at her father. “I know what you mean, daddy. I never used to be like this before. I just wanted to listen to my music and bask in the sunlight dripping into my room through that old window I love. Now all I want to do is smoke cigarettes and have a sassy mouth. It’s almost as if… As if there were some external force or entity influencing our behavior in a negative way but then turning it back around. Must be some sort of rapid cycling ghost on the property.”
It was then that they heard tires on the gravel drive leading up to the house. All three went to look and saw a man dressed in all black get out of a pale-yellow car. He was like a distant silhouette in a yellow crush dream, the house being yellow, and the way the sun was hitting at that point, all was awash is a golden tint.
“It’s Reverend Savior,” Josiah said.
“I wonder what he wants,” Sarrah breathed with caution.
“We better go see,” Josiah said, and they went to meet him by the front porch.
Reverend Savior seemed overjoyed when he saw them. “Ah, I was just about to ring the bell.”
Josiah gestured a greeting with his head and extended his hand. “Reverend. What brings you out all this way?”
Reverend Savior looked up at the sky and around all the land and mountains and peace. “Beautiful country,” he said. “Our heavenly Father is quite a talented artist.” He looked down at Serena and smiled. “Wouldn’t you say, dear one?”
“I suppose so,” Serena answered halfheartedly.
“Well,” Sarrah broke in. “Why don’t we come inside and talk. We still have plenty of cake and Easter eggs…” “And canned rabbit,” Josiah added with an upbeat grin.
The reverend slurped on a freshly peeled and salted Easter egg as they all sat around the table. He was a large man, not with a threatening stature but rather one that drew respect and in some ways awe. He was older, but not elderly. He had all his hair, that of which was beginning to gray at the edges. The reverend wore glasses, and it made him look serious and studious even though he generally had a good sense of humor and more often than not had a smile upon his face.
Reverend Savior snatched up the canned rabbit and studied the label. He chuckled. “They come up with about anything these days. What does it taste like?”
Josiah shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t know. Never had it before.” He glanced over at Sarrah. “The wife’s too scared to open it.” Josiah laughed.
“It just doesn’t seem very appetizing, is all,” she answered. “I’ve never seen such a thing.”
“Where did you get it?” the reverend wanted to know.
“Picked it up from a traveling medicine man of some sorts,” Josiah answered. “He told me it would be the best thing I ever ate, and uh.” He playfully elbowed the reverend. “Said it would help me out in the old love nest upstairs.”
Sarrah was shocked and embarrassed. “Josiah!” She made a subtle gesture toward the girl.
The men both chuckled innocently.
“All right, all right,” Josiah said. “I was just messing around. “Truth is, I guess we are a little scared to open it up.”
The reverend wiped at his mouth with a napkin. “I suppose I would be too.” He sipped at his coffee.
Serena looked at the reverend and wondered, “Reverend Savior, I have a feeling this is more than a friendly social call. Why are you really here?”
“Serena! Don’t be rude,” her mother scolded.
The reverend raised a large hand. “It’s fine, it’s fine. The girl has a good sense about her. And I suppose she’s right. I’m afraid I have come on a more serious note. There are some concerns floating about the congregation and in town.”
“What sort of concerns?” Sarrah was eager to know.
Reverend Savior cleared his throat and looked at them. “I suppose it’s best to just come out and say it. Some folks fear there’s been violence going on out here. Unpleasant things. I’ll be straight with you, Josiah. People are worried about your wife and daughter. They say you’re hurting them.” He pointed toward Sarrah’s black eye. “And a shiner like that doesn’t lie. It’s evidence enough for me.”
Josiah was still and silent for a moment. Then he playfully scoffed. “People have tussles, sure. We’ve had our share, but we aren’t much different than most folks. Hell, reverend, people might do well to mind their own damn business, tend to their own flocks so to speak. What’s that about those who are without sin casting the first stone? Put that in your Bible pipe and smoke it.”
“I understand what you’re saying, Josiah. I really do. But as the leader of my own heavenly flock, that being the congregation and many of the townspeople, it’s my duty to make sure said members of my flock are abiding by the lord’s sacred edicts.”
“You mean butting in on folks’ personal business?” Serena sniped.
The reverend turned to the sharp as cheddar young girl. “I wouldn’t call it butting in, young lady. It’s more akin to spiritual care and nurturing. Think of me as an overseer ordained by God.”
Serena slipped away from the table and headed toward the back door.
“Where are you going, sweetheart?” Josiah called out.
“I need a cigarette,” she answered. The screen door slammed.
The reverend was puzzled. “You let her smoke?”
“I’m always saying she’s a very strong-willed girl,” Sarrah noted. “Us telling her to cut it out won’t do a thing. She’ll just do it more.”
The reverend huffed. “Perhaps a strong leather belt to the backside would set her right.”
Josiah chuckled. “But didn’t you just come into our home trying to lecture us on the sinful nature of violence amongst family?”
“There’s a difference between violence and discipline,” the reverend sputtered.
Josiah mocked him. “Is there now?”
The reverend leaned in closer to him. “So, what do you call it when you smack your wife across the face. Huh? Is that violence or discipline? Pick a side, Josiah.”
The room grew achingly uncomfortable.
“Now,” the reverend leaned back and began. “I have a suggestion that I think would be wise for you to consider.”
“And what’s that, dear reverend?” Josiah longed to know.
“I think it’s best if I embed myself in the household for a few days. Keep an eye on things. Offer comfort where comfort is needed. Be a spiritual counselor at the ready.”
“You want to move in with us?” Sarrah asked.
“Only temporarily. My things are in the car. I could stay with the girl in her room.”
“Wait. What did you just say?” Sarrah said.
“I’ll sleep in Serena’s room, on the floor. Be a watchkeeper. I would be there if she needed scriptural guidance from an adult. I’ll read to her from my Bible. And it might be fun. We’ll pretend we’re camping in the deep, dark woods.”
“You think I’m going to hurt her or something?” Josiah demanded to know.
“No…”
“You’re not sleeping in our daughter’s bedroom,” Sarrah snapped. “We’re not a couple of idiotic zealots from Idaho, reverend.”
“But we are in Idaho,” the reverend reminded her.
“So it may be, but I can see what you’re going for. Slyly shedding your skin to reveal your true self. You’re just another one of those perverted pastors!”
Josiah angrily got up and threatened her with his slapping hand for talking the way she was.
“I’m highly offended by your suggestion,” Reverend Savior huffed, his blubbery face turning red.
“And I’m highly offended by yours,” Sarrah replied. “And I think you should repent before us.”
It was then that the canned rabbit flew off the table on its own and struck a nearby wall with great force.
Sarrah yelped. Josiah and the reverend jumped.
“I’m afraid this is far worse than I expected,” Reverend Savior said. “There’s a demon at work in this house.”
“And he doesn’t care for canned rabbit,” Josiah added.
CEREAL AFTER SEX 