Nuclear Boobs

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Breck Cavalier sat in a chair across from his psychiatrist and began to tell him about the woman.

“As you know, Dr. Newhart, I live near a nuclear power plant.”

“Yes, Yes. We’ve established that. Go on.”

“I’ve always feared that the power plant was somehow affecting my brain and thus my mental state and thus creating all these personal problems I have.”

“And we have concluded that just isn’t the case, right?”

“Yes. But now something strange is happening and I’m not so sure how to deal with it.”

“And what is that?”

“A woman has moved in right across the street from me and she has this daily ritual of sitting out on her front lawn topless.”

Dr Newhart chuckled. “Doesn’t seem like a problem to me.”

“Even if it’s raining, she sits there on the grass and just stares at the cooling towers with her boobs exposed.”

“Do you watch her?”

Breck hesitated. Smiled effortlessly. “Yes. I can’t help it. She puts her boobs out there for the whole world to see. I’m just an innocent bystander.”

“Are you?”

“I mean… Am I being a pervert for peeking through the curtains at her?”

“Well, I believe most people would glance and then move on. You however seem to be obsessed.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed. I just wonder why she does it.”

“Why don’t you ask her.”

---

Breck Cavalier stood outside her front door. He was shaking with nerves as he reached out to press the doorbell button. Within a few moments, the door opened, and the woman was standing there smiling. She was topless.

Breck’s eyes immediately dropped. He couldn’t help looking.

“Hello,” she said. “My eyes are up here.”

“Right. Yes,” Breck stammered as his eyes moved to her face. “I’m your neighbor from across the street.” He held out a square glass pan. “I made you some brownies to welcome you to the neighborhood. I’m Breck Cavalier.”

“I’m Mindy Catterall. Please, come inside.”

The house smelled of bananas and shampoo. She led him back to the kitchen and showed him where he could put the pan of brownies down. “Thank you very much,” she said. “I love brownies.” She moved closer to him and gave him a big, friendly hug. “That was very nice of you.”

Breck felt her boobs crush against his own chest as she embraced him. “You’re welcome,” he said as she slowly backed away from him. “I hope you like them.”

She noted his nervousness. “I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I’m just a very physical person.”

“No. Not at all. I enjoyed it.”

She looked at him funny. “You’re probably wondering why I’m topless, aren’t you.”

Breck fidgeted. “I have noticed you on your front lawn. Not that it’s a problem or anything.”

“Most people are put off by public nudity, and I just don’t get it. I mean, it’s the human body, right? We all have one. Why’s everyone got their panties in an uproar? It’s my body and I’m proud of it and I’m going to show it off wherever and whenever I can.”

“I like them,” Breck blurted out. He was immediately embarrassed. “I mean, you should be proud of your body. But can I ask… Do you go out in public like that?”

Mindy scoffed. “I’d love to, but they got this indecency law. Can you imagine.” She thrust out her chest. “Calling these indecent. They outlaw my boobs but kids getting shot in school, that’s applauded. It’s a sick and twisted society.”

“Yes it is,” Breck agreed. “How can these people stand themselves?”

“Exactly.”

“It seems being a horrible, hateful, violent person is in style these days. And that makes me a sad panda,” Breck said.

“You’re a panda?”

“Sometimes I’d like to be.”

“I totally get it. How wonderful it would be to get away from all the nutjobs, and the chaos, and the madness.”

“You and I seem to be traveling along on the same train of thought,” Breck pointed out.

“Yes,” Mindy smiled. “Especially when so many others have absolutely lost their minds. It’s nice to have an ally.”

And it was at that moment that Breck himself seemed to have lost his mind when he undid his pants and pulled down his underwear. “Look. I’m going to walk around without any bottoms on.” He reached down, gathered up his clothes, and smiled at her. “This is very liberating,” he said. “It feels great.”

She reached out and cupped him between the legs with her hand. “The human body is an amazing piece of artwork,” she said as she looked him over. “The engineering and creativity is awe inspiring. The aliens definitely knew what they were doing when they created us.”

“Hold on a sec,” Breck began. “You’re into ancient astronaut theory?”

“Yes, I am. It’s really the only thing that makes sense.”

“I totally agree,” Breck said with an air of enthusiasm. “Damn. We’re just like two peas in a pod.”

“It really is amazing how much we think alike… And since we’re already half naked, do you want to go upstairs and have some fun?”

Breck looks out toward the audience and grins. “Boy, would I ever!”

There’s subtle laughter and then abundant applause as she takes his hand and they disappear from the stage.