The street was wet with rain and warped neon. I stepped into a bar and lounge called Cucumber. That’s it. Just Cucumber. It was just me and my raincoat. The place was loud, and I worked my way through the nightlife haze until I found a small table. I looked around and realized that everyone was an alligator. But the thing is, they were just like people. They stood upright or sat in chairs. They wore clothes and talked and laughed and drank cocktails. They danced and played pool. A couple of them were making out. No one seemed to notice that I wasn’t an alligator at first. But then I started to panic and wonder when they began looking at me and talking behind my back. Was I, or wasn’t I?
I had to find out right away. I made my way back to the men’s room and looked into the smudgy mirror above the sinks and wet counter. Nothing. I was still just me, according to my own eyes. A couple of alligator people came in, unzipped their pants, and started talking at the urinals. One of them turned to look at me. He laughed, drunk.
“Nice costume,” he said.
Then the other one looked at me. “Did you not get the memo? Halloween is already over.”
They both laughed some more, zipped up their pants and came over to the sinks. One on either side of me. They washed their…hands?
The first alligator person dried himself and then turned to look at me. “In case you haven’t noticed, you’re pretty outnumbered around here.”
Then the other one said, leaning close. “Yeah. Outnumbered.”
I had to wonder if they were gangsters. They wore black suits and acted tough and threatening.
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to go back to my table,” and I walked out.
I woke up on a bench in a quiet and dimly lit park.
“I must have been dreaming. That could never be my real life.”
I sat up straight and yawned.
I was sad because I was alone now.
Most have been taken away and locked up in cages and camps.
I just don’t get it anymore. The breaking down just goes on and on. They cheer for hate and the hurting of others. Will we ever learn? I listened to a calm yet frightening world around me. Sirens in the distance. My chest has been hurting lately. My nerves are burnt toast. I just want to be able to smile and laugh again. I felt drained of hope.
I stopped in a run-down and sketchy convenience store. A disenchanted clerk leaned on the counter and scrolled through his phone. The place was dirty. Nobody cared anymore. Horrible music played overhead. I went to the coolers and got myself two bottles of Yoo-hoo. It’s amazing when it’s cold. I went to the counter and paid with the few scraps of money I had. A person could just find it on the streets now and again.
I went down to the harbor and looked up at the stars. It felt like they were backing further away. I couldn’t blame them. It was getting colder outside. I drank one of the Yoo-hoos and that made me even colder. It was time for me to go to my shelter.
I walked to a darkened place of town. They call it the outskirts. The lonely black pitch of branches and bones for the lost ones of the world. I made my way into the woods. I had to use my little pocket flashlight. I finally came to my hidden cove. My place was made with a few sheets of plywood, some blankets, some tarps, some leaves and boughs. Some dirt. I got my fire started and sat down. I warmed my hands, listened to the crackling of the wood, and watched orange embers drift to the evening sky.
I’ve been living here since the seventh grade. I didn’t want to go to school anymore. I couldn’t take the endless suffering of being picked on. I just wanted to hide away and be left alone. I gave up on society and all its poisons. I don’t know if anyone ever came searching for me. I suppose all those people from back then are gone. A lot of people are gone. I wonder when I’ll be gone. It’s a weird thing to think about not being part of the everyday world. It’s kind of sad when you think about not waking up anymore.
All I know is, I hope to the everlasting universe it’s a better place to breathe and live how a person wants to live. Stop standing on everyone’s necks.
CEREAL AFTER SEX 