The natural cage in which he walked was made of trees. The trail wound along the edge of the lake, and he could peer out between limbs and leaves and see the sparkling blue water. Then the trail curved inward, deeper into the forest and all was silent save for the birds or scrambles of small animals on the ground. Bevin stopped at a clearing, smoked a cigarette, and drained one of the beers he had brought with him.
Now what? he thought. Now that I am here, what should I do? Wasn’t that the question of his entire existence. Now that I am here, what should I do? His entire life has been one of seeking while being trapped in the world of have to. Bevin always wanted more. He wanted to do more, be more, live more. But here he was in the South Carolina woods having a beer and a smoke and not knowing what to do next.
“Why don’t you trying living for the moment,” a familiar voice came from some hidden place.
Jiggles the Clown suddenly appeared and approached. “Hi, hi, hi there,” he said in a whimsical tone. It’s me!”
“What the fuck!” Bevin was freaked out. “Have you been following me?”
“No, I haven’t been following you. I live out here now.”
“You live in the woods?”
“Well, what did you expect me to do after you abandoned me… Rent an apartment? You really think someone would let a creepy naked clown doll sign a lease agreement?”
“I didn’t abandon you. We simply parted ways.”
“You left me for dead.”
“Oh, please! Dramatic much,” Bevin sizzled.
Jiggles moped. “You crushed my heart and soul.”
“Stop whining.”
“Fine. I suppose you’d like to see my log cabin now.”
Bevin laughed. “You built a log cabin?”
“Yes, I did. I could make you some pancakes with Log Cabin syrup. The cabin on the label is what I modeled my log cabin after. It kicks ass.”
“You’re crazy.”
“No. I’m not. Come along and let me prove it to you.”
“Are you going to do something weird?”
“When have I ever done anything weird?”
They hiked a long while. Bevin got out three more beers from his backpack and drained them. He was feeling sluggish. “Are we almost there,” he groaned. “I’m beginning to think you’re dragging me out here for nothing… Or something? Are you planning to kill me?”
“I wouldn’t kill my best friend.”
“We’re not best friends,” Bevin noted.
“We’re at least friends.”
“I don’t think so. We’re more like unfortunate acquaintances. Friends just seems gross.”
“You really need to work on your inner child. Out here alone in the woods, drinking and talking to yourself. What’s really going on with you?”
“What the hell is this? Are you a creepy naked clown doll psychiatrist now?”
“I really wish you wouldn’t refer to me as creepy. I’m not creepy.”
“Um, have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re creepy.”
They came upon a clearing and Jiggles suddenly announced, “We’re here!”
Bevin couldn’t believe his eyes, for what stood there was a beautifully hewn cabin that did look like the one on the Log Cabin syrup bottle. “How in the hell did you do this?”
Bevin motioned for him to follow. “Come on inside.”
The interior of the cabin was immaculate. There was fine furniture and a fireplace with scented candles burning on the mantel, and a bear-skin rug splayed out on the floor.
“I don’t like the bear-skin rug. It’s cruel,” Bevin said.
“It’s rustic and wild. Like me,” Jiggles pointed out.
Bevin scoffed. “How would you like it if you came to my house, and I had a clown-skin rug on my floor?”
“That’s different. That’s murder.”
“Right. How is it different? Both are creatures of the Earth.”
“It’s just different.”
“You’re a hypocrite.”
“Enough!” Jiggles cried out. “I didn’t bring you here to argue. I just wanted to show you my new life. I’m tired of arguing.” Then he started to cry. “I know you don’t like me, but I wanted to just be friends anyways, for at least one day. I’m sorry I’m just a creepy naked clown doll, but I have feelings, too. If you want to leave, just leave. But if you want some pancakes, you can stay. I’d be happy to make them for you. We can share a nice brunch, have some coffee, stimulating conversation, and then you can be on your way. The choice is yours.”
Bevin looked around and sighed. “Okay. I guess I could go for some pancakes and coffee.”
Jiggles jumped and put a fist in the air. “Yippee!” he gleefully exclaimed.
Jiggles served him at the dining table that sat beneath an antler chandelier. “I decided to go with blueberry pancakes. I hope you like blueberries.”
“Blueberries are fine… But I still have to know. How did you build all this?”
“I have special powers. Levitation and the manipulation of objects, for example. Care for some authentic Log Cabin syrup for your pancakes?”
“Yes, please… This place is quite impressive.”
“Thank you for saying so,” Jiggles said with a friendly yet creepy smile. “My magic is quite intense.”
“Damn, these are some of the best blueberry pancakes I ever had. Well, except for this breakfast place in Nashville I went to on a date once.”
“With a woman?”
“Yes, with a woman.”
“A real woman or like a mannequin?”
“Believe me, she had a pulse.”
“Oh, did you get some action?”
“We made out in the car, and I put my hand between her legs.”
“Wow, look at you.”
“But back to your magic. Do you think you could use it to make me a better person?”
“A better person?”
“Yes. Not a failure in every aspect of life. I want a completely new personality. You know, like Peter Brady on The Brady Bunch. He was failing with chicks, and it was because he had no personality.”
“Ah, but if you recall, Sir Bevin, it wasn’t that he needed a new personality, it was that he just needed to embrace himself for who he really was. In other words, be yourself.”
“But being myself sucks! Oh, god. I’ll never amount to anything.”
“What you lack is love for yourself.”
“That’s just weird. What am I supposed to do, stare into the mirror and tell myself I love you.”
“Now, you’re just being sarcastic. Care enough about yourself to stop putting yourself down all the time. Have some faith in you.”
“That seems like a lot of work. Can’t you give me anything?”
Jiggles sighed but eventually gave in. “All right, I suppose I can cast a temporary spell of confidence. Close your eyes, and clear your mind…”
Bevin hiked back to town with spirit in his step. He felt great, full of confidence. He stopped by the hotel’s front desk to talk to Heather.
“I’m sorry about all that drunken drinking business, but rest assured, it will never happen again, for I am cured of my demons,” he told her.
“That’s wonderful,” she said. “You seem totally different today. I love your aura of confidence. Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?”
He leaned over the counter, took her hand and kissed it. “I would love to have dinner with you, Heather.”
“Great,” she beamed. “I get off at six. Meet me down here then.”
“Absolutely, beautiful woman. Until we meet again…” and he strolled off with confidence toward the elevators.
When he got to his room there was something dark and suspicious about it. The housekeeper had strangely closed the curtains. There was a smell too. It was the smell of… Books.
And it was Jennifer the sexy librarian who rushed out from a corner of darkness and pinned him against the wall and punched him in his balls. “I can’t believe you just left me there like a barrel of trash on the curb!” she wildly screamed. She had a knife and held it against his throat.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jennifer. No need for deadly violence here. I’m terribly sorry for walking out on you at the restaurant.”
“There was a minimum charge, asshole, and tariff and kitchen fees on top of that!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Bevin squirmed. “I’ll gladly pay you for the damage my former personality caused.”
She stepped back but still held the knife up. “Get the money,” she ordered him.
Bevin went to one of his bags and retrieved a white envelop full of cash.
“How much you got in there?” Jennifer wanted to know.
“Twenty-four hundred dollars,” Bevin mistakenly answered. “It’s for my trip. I’m going to travel for a while after I leave here. The funny thing is, I wasn’t expecting to leave here alive, though. I’ve been very depressed lately and figured I’d get so low that I’d hang myself in the bathroom. But now I don’t feel like that at all. I spent some time with a good friend, and we had pancakes, and he gave me counsel on the errors of my life and how to be a better person. Now, I feel great. I even have a dinner date tonight.”
“Great story but give me all that money.” She stuck the knife right at his face and held it there. “Or I’ll carve you up like a Christmas pumpkin.”
“A Christmas pumpkin?”
“I had a weird childhood. Now, give me the cash.” The tip of the knife touched right below his eye.
“Okay, okay, here, take it,” Bevin said, and he handed her the envelope.
She snatched it from his hand, pulled the knife away, and French kissed him.
“What the hell was that about?” Bevin wanted to know.
“It’s our second date, and I kiss on the second date. Have fun tonight with your new gal pal. Try not to walk out on her… And thanks for the dough, but I got to go.”
And with that she went to the door and slipped out into the light of the hallway.
Bevin went and sat on the edge of one of the beds. He laughed to himself in the silence. “Oh boy. What an incredibly weird day,” he said aloud to the fuzzy darkness. “It’s like a day of great consequences. Do I live, or do I die? The entire future of my existence, or lack thereof, depends on me and my choices. Wow. I am confident I will make the right one.”
He sat there for a few moments in the stillness before getting up, walking into the bathroom, and gently closing the door.
A wore down astronaut sits on a shaved concrete pillar in a lost city of ruins
Bent metal, piles of rubble
A canvas of destruction and idiocy
He takes off his helmet and his Halloween mask
And breathes the suspicious air
Remnants of space stir in his head
Different planets, places, pulsars
Two suns, three moons
Yellows and oranges and vapors
Memories rushing like a river
The crash was like no other
But he survived
And where was he now?
He finds a cemetery on the outside of the battered city
Somehow it is still green
Somehow there are still trees
The headstones still stand
Like teeth in a green mouth
He drops his tab of emergency acid
Sits down, back against a tree
Closes his eyes and tries to dream
But the wind is tarnished
The gold has mold
Eyes pop, the sky is pink
The sound of a calliope draws his curiosity
An ice cream parlor that makes music
The one that works there is a dusty human-like android
“What flavor today?” he asks, as he jitters and sparks
“Rainbow, man” the astronaut replies. “Make it rainbow in a waffle cone.”
The android goes to work carving and shaping
“I gave you an extra scoop since you seem so bedazzled.”
The astronaut sits at a table all alone near a window
It’s warm and quiet
He eats his ice cream as he looks out at the decimated day
The world swirls some colorful hail storm
He lets it buzz all around him
The midnight madness clock moves backward
‘Till life is reset
And he floats in space once more
Gravity all nonsense
By
Aaron Echoes August
Aaron Echoes August: Editor, graphic artist, writer, and photographer. Author of The Apocalypse Pipe, a collection of some of his best poetry, flash fiction, and short stories. For your convenience, one click HERE will take you to a variety of online stores for you to choose from including Amazon, Kobo, Apple Books, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, and more! E-book and print editions available. Thanks for supporting independent artists.
Aaron Echoes August: Editor, graphic artist, writer, and photographer. Author of The Apocalypse Pipe, a collection of some of his best poetry, flash fiction, and short stories. For your convenience, one click HERE will take you to a variety of online stores for you to choose from including Amazon, Kobo, Apple Books, Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, and more! E-book and print editions available. Thanks for supporting independent artists.
People stared at Bevin Elderberry and his creepy naked clown doll when passing by his table in the breakfast room of the hotel. Dishes clanked. There was a murmur of morning voices, and the air smelled of wet eggs and bacon. The plates of food before him didn’t stir his appetite. He was too hungover.
“You’re shaking,” Jiggles said from across the table. He was sitting in the chair as if he was a real person.
“I feel like shit,” Bevin groaned. He took a careful sip of coffee from a trembling mug.
“That’s what you get for drinking all that vodka last night, you big goof.”
“Don’t lecture me. You’re not my mama… You want any of this food? It’s making me want to vomit.”
Jiggles stretched his neck and looked. “I’ll take those scrambled eggs and maybe your muffin.”
“Don’t say it like that.”
“Say what like what?”
“Your muffin. It sounds sexual.”
“Geez, man. Homophobic much? You are the most uptight person I ever met.”
“Well, you won’t have to put up with my sorry ass for much longer,” Bevin let him know. “I’m taking you back to the antique store right after we’re done here.”
“What if I don’t want to go?”
“Tough shit. You and I are parting ways, today.”
“I’m an autonomous soul,” Jiggles let it be known. “You can’t tell me where to go and what to do.”
“And I’m bigger than you. Much bigger than you. I could punt your sorry ass to the next county if I wanted to.”
Jiggles folded his naked arms and brooded. “You’re not a very nice person. Maybe that’s why your girlfriend dumped you.”
Bevin picked up a short stack of pancakes with his bare hand and threw it right in Jiggles’ face. “Shut up about my life! You don’t know anything.”
“What the hell, dude! You got syrup in my hair. Don’t you know how important a clown’s hair is?”
“I’ve pretty much had it with you and your stupid clown hair,” Bevin made clear. Clean yourself up. We’re leaving.”
When they arrived at the antique store, Bevin was stunned. It was closed. He peered in the big front window, and it was empty inside. All the merchandise was gone. The lights were off.
“What the hell,” he muttered in confusion. “How can this be?” He looked down at Jiggles. “Did you have anything to do with this!?” Bevin demanded to know. “Is this some weird magic of yours?”
Jiggles grinned. “No. I didn’t do anything. Maybe it’s karma coming to bite you on the ass.”
Bevin threw his hands in the air. “Great! I suppose it doesn’t matter, though. I’ll just leave you here. Go my own way. So long.”
Bevin turned to walk away.
“Wait!” Jiggles cried out.
“What now?”
“Can I have a hug?”
“No.”
“Please. Just one hug and then you’ll never see me again.”
“Ugh… Fine.”
Bevin knelt down and Jiggles came to him, and they hugged.
They released each other and Bevin stood up. “Take it easy,” he said, and he turned and walked away. He stopped once and looked back. Jiggles the naked clown doll was still there, waving goodbye as he watched him leave. Bevin turned back around and ran as fast as he could.
When he reached the town library, Bevin stopped running and went inside. He decided he wanted to look at some books about area hiking trails. He asked the sexy librarian, and she showed him the section. “She can show me her section,” he thought aloud in his crazy mind.
He found a quiet table and went through a couple of the books. Once he had gathered the information he wanted, he shelved the books and went back to the circulation desk to talk to the sexy librarian. He discovered her name was Jennifer.
“Well, Jennifer,” Bevin began. “Any hiking trails in the area you would recommend?”
She pushed her glasses closer to her face. “I’m not much of an outdoors person. I like to read in bed. I would stay in bed all day every day if I could. With my cat.”
“Ohhh,” Bevin said. “I like to be in bed, too. Maybe we can spend some time in bed together. You could read to me while I eat some grapes without a shirt on.”
Jennifer frowned. “That’s the weirdest thing any guy has ever said to me.”
“Do a lot of guys come in here to check you out?” Bevin laughed at his own play on words.
Jennifer mocked him with some snarky laughter. “No. People come in here to read and study and get information. It’s not a nightclub. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to get back to work.”
“Can I come behind the counter and pretend I work here?”
“No.”
“Would you like to go to lunch with me?”
Jennifer looked at him and considered it. Jennifer was a penny pincher and took any opportunity she could to get a free meal or anything else for that matter. “Yes. I will go to lunch with you. Come back here at noon to pick me up.”
“Sweet!” Bevin declared. “I’ll see you at high noon.”
Bevin raced back to the hotel. He showered, brushed his teeth, and changed his clothes. When he got back to the library, Jennifer was out front and looking at her watch.
“Hi there,” Bevin said with an eager smile.
“It’s 12:03. You’re three minutes late,” Jennifer said with all seriousness.
“It’s just three minutes,” Bevin told her.
“Three minutes is three minutes. That’s three minutes of my entire life that I’ll never get back.”
“Geez, I’m sorry.”
“Let’s go. Follow me. I know a nice little lunch place around the corner, and don’t dawdle.”
Bevin reached out to try and hold her hand as they walked. She immediately yanked it away. “I don’t hold hands on a first date,” Jennifer let it be known. “And I definitely don’t kiss or have intercourse.”
“Okay. Thanks for letting me know,” Bevin said with a hint of sarcasm.
They got a table for two by a window. The place was called Leo’s Lunch Bistro. They looked over the menu in silence until Bevin asked, “What’s good to eat here?”
Jennifer feigned a smile. “The Reuben sandwich is good.”
“I’m not a big fan of sauerkraut.”
“Perhaps a boring chicken sandwich would suit you more,” Jennifer scoffed, and then she looked around to see if anyone was watching before she grabbed the salt and pepper shakers and stowed them in her purse.
Bevin was surprised. “Wait. Did you just put the salt and pepper shakers in your purse?”
Jennifer leaned forward and whispered. “Yes. They have plenty of them. They don’t care.”
“I’m sure somebody cares.”
She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head before swiping up the mustard bottle and putting that in her purse as well.
“What are you doing?” Bevin wanted to know. “That’s stealing.”
“Stealing? Businesses steal from us every day,” Jennifer snipped. “Nobody is going to miss a little mustard.”
“Do you even like mustard?”
“I love mustard,” she answered.
“Why don’t you marry it then,” Bevin teased.
“So funny. Why don’t you stop acting like you’re in the fifth grade.”
“Geez. I’m just trying to lighten the mood while you’re pilfering everything.”
“Shhh, here comes the waitress.”
“Hi guys, my name is Stephanie and I’ll be taking care of you today. Can I start you off with something to drink.”
“I’ll just have water,” Jennifer said.
“I’ll have a lemonade.”
“Great. Any appetizers?”
“No,” Jennifer answered. “But could you bring us two loaves of your bread. It’s just so darn delicious.”
“Of course,” the waitress named Stephanie said and she smiled before turning away.
Bevin leaned forward and angrily whispered, “You’re going to steal that extra loaf of bread aren’t you?”
“I want it for a snack later. Could you hand me the dish of those wrapped butter pads?”
Bevin reluctantly did as he was asked, and she dumped the contents of the dish into her purse.
“What if they melt all over the place?”
“Don’t worry about it… And, you are paying for this lunch, right?”
“Um, yes?”
“You’re the one who asked me out… I need some toilet paper at home so I’m going to use the restroom. Please order me the grilled cheese sandwich with a bowl of tomato soup.”
As soon as Jennifer vanished into the realm of the restrooms, Bevin decided he was going to vanish as well. He was done with her. He left no money. He left no note of explanation. He just left.
“Why are you holding a naked clown doll?” the hotel clerk at the front desk asked Bevin Elderberry.
He laughed. “I just paid a visit to the antique store and the old guy there gave me this thing.”
“Hmm. Slim Jim gave you that creepy thing?” she asked.
“That’s right.”
She leaned in closer. She smelled like makeup. “I know you’re not from around here, but I’d steer clear of that Slim Jim character. He’s a weird dude.”
Bevin was puzzled. “He seemed like a nice guy.”
“Well, he’s not. He’s a weirdo like I said. He collects the strangest things… Like that creepy clown you got there.”
“His name is Jiggles,” Bevin pointed out, and he clamped his mouth together and talked out the side of it like a ventriloquist as he moved Jiggles from side to side as if he were alive. “Hi hotel lady. My name is Jiggles the Clown, and I think you’re very good looking,” he made him say. “You want to get together for some hot loving?”
The front desk clerk snapped back; her ponytail swayed as she wildly shook her head no. “Don’t be doing weird shit like that in this hotel. We’ve got a respectable place here.”
“Sorry.” Bevin chuckled. “I was just messing with you.”
“You plan on doing weird things with that doll up in your room. Because I can’t give you a room if you and Jiggles are going to be doing weird stuff.”
“No. Not at all.” Bevin smiled a guilty smile. “I’ll just set him somewhere while I drink myself into oblivion to forget all my personal problems.”
The pretty young clerk eyed him. “Don’t let that drinking come spilling out of your room. I won’t put up with that, and especially management isn’t going to put up with that.”
“No worries. I’m a dark, brooding drunk. I rarely get wild and crazy.”
“That’s pretty sad. What happened to you? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Bevin looked at her name tag. “Well, Heather, if you must know, my girlfriend dumped me.”
“Did you love her?” Heather asked with a hint of empathy.
“Sure I did. But she didn’t love me.”
“Yeah. Love is a tough thing. That’s why I steer clear.”
“Good thinking,” Bevin said, and he fished a credit card out of his wallet and handed it to her. “Make it two nights for now.”
Bevin entered the room, and it had that dim, lonely look about it. There was that scent of cleaning, but at the same time the lingering smell of other lives passing through hung in the air as it would forever.
He put his bags down and placed Jiggles the Clown in a chair by the window. “There, you can look at stuff while I get loaded.”
Bevin unloaded three pints of Swedish vodka from his bag and lined them up on the table.
“Ooooo eeeee, you’re going to die if you drink all that.”
Bevin whipped around, frantically looking for the source of the voice.
“Down here on the chair, guy. It’s me. Jiggles the Clown!” And then that’s when he got up and jumped down from the chair and started walking around the room, naked. A naked creepy clown.
“You’re alive?” Bevin asked with frightened wonder. “But how?”
Jiggles had made his way over to the small refrigerator and tugged it open.
“What are you looking for?” Bevin asked him.
“Something to wash all that vodka down with.”
Bevin laughed. “Are you too much of a pussy to drink it straight?”
Jiggles mocked his laughter. “No. But, come on. I want a chaser.”
Bevin went through his bag and pulled out two big jugs of Gatorade and held them up. “This is the best thing for you. It will keep you going. Fights dehydration.”
“Thanks Mr. Commercial. Could you pour me a cup?”
“Do I have to tie you up or something? I’m not sharing my vodka with you. You’re a doll, a naked clown doll. And could you please cover yourself up. Grab a washcloth or something.”
Jiggles sighed with disappointment. “I should have just stayed dead.” He walked off to the bathroom and made a laborious climb to get a washcloth. When he came back out, his nakedness was covered. “There! Now can I drink with you?”
“I suppose. Because how much could you possibly drink? You’re so small.”
Jiggles the Clown threw his hands up in the air. “I thought we were going to be friends, and it just seems like you don’t want to hang out with me at all.”
Bevin uncapped a pint of the vodka and drank some down. He followed it with a gulp or two of Gatorade. “Maybe I don’t. So what. I’m in a bad state and just want some alone time. Is that so bad? I didn’t think you were going to come to life. I wasn’t expecting any of this.”
“You should have. Didn’t you listen to anything Slim Jim said? My friends and I all come alive.”
“Fuck that guy,” Bevin scowled as he drank more vodka and then more vodka. “I ought to take you back to that creepy antique shop right now and leave you there.”
“But I was a gift.”
“And I want to return you because you suck!”
“Wow,” Jiggles scoffed. “That hurts my feelings.”
“Feelings? You’re a doll. You don’t have any feelings.”
“Yes I do!”
Bevin sighed and dragged himself to the edge of one of the beds. He tipped the first bottle of vodka and drained it.
“Damn!” Jiggles shouted. “Why do you want to get so wrecked anyway?”
“Because love is shit, man,” Bevin said. “Don’t ever fall in love.”
“So this is your answer? Sit in a hotel room with a naked clown doll and drink yourself into a coma?”
Bevin looked at him and smiled as he cracked open another pint and began sipping on it. “Yes. This is my answer. Quality alone time to mend my broken heart. So… You should leave.”
“Wow, again. I thought we were going to be together forever.”
“Forever,” Bevin scoffed. “There’s no such thing as forever. Believe me. Anyone who tells you they will love you forever is lying.”
“You seem very bitter about love,” Jiggles said.
“And why shouldn’t I be!”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been in love.”
“Of course you haven’t. Just look at yourself. You’re a creepy naked clown.”
“Everyone deserves love!”
“Not a creepy naked clown.”
“Stop calling me that!”
“It’s what you are! I’ve already asked once for you to leave. Do I have to ask again?”
“Fine! Fuck you, Bevin. Isn’t that a girl’s name?”
“It can be for a guy or a girl. And look who’s talking. Your name is Jiggles. Were your parents Jell-O?”
“Shut up! I’m about to kick your butt.”
That’s when there was a knocking on the door. Bevin went to answer. It was Heather from the front desk.
“Mr. Elderberry?”
“Yes. Nice to see you again.”
“I’m afraid there have been some complaints of noise.”
“From whom?”
“Your neighbors.”
Bevin leaned his head out the door. “They can suck it!” he yelled.
“Please Mr. Elderberry, I don’t want to have to call the police.”
“The police?”
“Yes. They can make you leave.”
Bevin waved his hand in the air. “Oink, oink. I’m not afraid of farm animals.”
“Maybe you should stop drinking.”
“Maybe you should come on in and join me.” He reached for her hand, and she pulled it back.
“I can’t do that. I have to get back to the front desk, so please, keep the noise down.”
Bevin watched her rear-end sway as she walked away. He went back into the room and closed the door. “Great ass,” he said to himself, and he went to the window and looked out. It wasn’t long before he started to cry.
CEREAL AFTER SEX 