A willow chancellor in concrete gloves walks the path that meanders from the school, through the forest, and finally reaches the shores of a lake that very few people know about. He sits down in a place of soft grass and unfurls his lunch pail. He withdraws a sandwich and removes it from its plastic wrap. He sniffs at it. Liverwurst on dry bread. He takes a bite. His mouth smacks at it. He retrieves a bottle of raspberry flavored sparkling water from the lunch pail, uncaps it, and takes a drink. He stops and moans with emotional pain.

How will I ever be able to go on with my life with any sense of normalcy after what I’ve done, he thinks.

It was her smell that drove him mad.

But I am only a ceremonial figurehead, he thinks. Nothing I do really counts. I should be deemed untouchable.

But it was touching that got him into trouble.

Her melons were right there. Well, she practically shoved them in my face. He digs for an excuse for his behavior. That’s right. I’ll blame her as is often done. This is all her fault! She forced them upon me. She wanted me to take a squeeze. She begged for it, really. What was I supposed to do? I’m the true victim here.

He finished his lunch and threw the plastic wrap and bottle on the ground.

There. Not only am I a fondler, but I’m also a litterbug, too. And I don’t think I care.  

A police helicopter flew overhead. His heartbeat quickened.

They’re looking for me. I’m scared. I don’t want to go to jail.

His cell phone started to ring. It was his wife. He hesitated for a moment.

Hello.

Abbott. The police are here looking for you. They said a young woman is accusing you of touching her breasts! That’s sexual assault, Abbott. Sexual assault!

Honey. Calm down. It’s not my fault. I did nothing wrong. She’s the one that heaved her chest at me. She wanted me to touch those intelligent breasts. She’s the one that assaulted me!

Where are you?

I’m by the lake having my lunch break.

You need to come home right now and face the consequences of your actions.

I’m afraid I can’t do that.

His wife pleaded. But you must!

You won’t even try to understand, will you.

No!

Abbott ended the call and threw his phone into the lake.

He stood up and kicked his lunch pail. He pounded his own head with his fists.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I should turn myself in. No. I can’t. I’ll never survive jail. I’d rather be… Dead.

He looked at the lake and thought about it. Drowning himself would be a suitable option.He walked toward the water, and once in it, realized it was very cold. He kept walking until his feet could no longer touch the bottom. He was now covered in liquid, and water filled his mouth and nose.

So, he thought. This is what it is like to die. He tried to swallow the lake.

But then a fish swam up to his face, looked at him, and began to talk.

You’ll never get into Heaven this way, the fish said.

I don’t care about Heaven, Abbott said. I just want to be in blackness. It’s all I deserve.

The fish shook his head. Why’d you have to do it? Why did you have to touch that poor girl’s breasts?

It wasn’t my fault, Abbott protested. You should have seen the way she was dressed. They were barely covered. She invited it. I’m innocent. I’m the victim.

The fish scoffed.

You really are a ding-a-ling.

Why don’t you just go away and let me drown in peace.

Fine. I will. Enjoy burning in hell.

The fish swam away, and Abbott closed his eyes and died.