---

The natural cage in which he walked was made of trees. The trail wound along the edge of the lake, and he could peer out between limbs and leaves and see the sparkling blue water. Then the trail curved inward, deeper into the forest and all was silent save for the birds or scrambles of small animals on the ground. Bevin stopped at a clearing, smoked a cigarette, and drained one of the beers he had brought with him.

Now what? he thought. Now that I am here, what should I do? Wasn’t that the question of his entire existence. Now that I am here, what should I do? His entire life has been one of seeking while being trapped in the world of have to. Bevin always wanted more. He wanted to do more, be more, live more. But here he was in the South Carolina woods having a beer and a smoke and not knowing what to do next.

“Why don’t you trying living for the moment,” a familiar voice came from some hidden place.

Jiggles the Clown suddenly appeared and approached. “Hi, hi, hi there,” he said in a whimsical tone. It’s me!”

“What the fuck!” Bevin was freaked out. “Have you been following me?”

“No, I haven’t been following you. I live out here now.”

“You live in the woods?”

“Well, what did you expect me to do after you abandoned me… Rent an apartment? You really think someone would let a creepy naked clown doll sign a lease agreement?”

“I didn’t abandon you. We simply parted ways.”

“You left me for dead.”

“Oh, please! Dramatic much,” Bevin sizzled.

Jiggles moped. “You crushed my heart and soul.”

“Stop whining.”

“Fine. I suppose you’d like to see my log cabin now.”

Bevin laughed. “You built a log cabin?”

“Yes, I did. I could make you some pancakes with Log Cabin syrup. The cabin on the label is what I modeled my log cabin after. It kicks ass.”

“You’re crazy.”

“No. I’m not. Come along and let me prove it to you.”

“Are you going to do something weird?”

“When have I ever done anything weird?”

---

They hiked a long while. Bevin got out three more beers from his backpack and drained them. He was feeling sluggish. “Are we almost there,” he groaned. “I’m beginning to think you’re dragging me out here for nothing… Or something? Are you planning to kill me?”

“I wouldn’t kill my best friend.”

“We’re not best friends,” Bevin noted.

“We’re at least friends.”

“I don’t think so. We’re more like unfortunate acquaintances. Friends just seems gross.”

“You really need to work on your inner child. Out here alone in the woods, drinking and talking to yourself. What’s really going on with you?”

“What the hell is this? Are you a creepy naked clown doll psychiatrist now?”

“I really wish you wouldn’t refer to me as creepy. I’m not creepy.”

“Um, have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re creepy.”

They came upon a clearing and Jiggles suddenly announced, “We’re here!”

Bevin couldn’t believe his eyes, for what stood there was a beautifully hewn cabin that did look like the one on the Log Cabin syrup bottle. “How in the hell did you do this?”

Bevin motioned for him to follow. “Come on inside.”

The interior of the cabin was immaculate. There was fine furniture and a fireplace with scented candles burning on the mantel, and a bear-skin rug splayed out on the floor.

“I don’t like the bear-skin rug. It’s cruel,” Bevin said.

“It’s rustic and wild. Like me,” Jiggles pointed out.

Bevin scoffed. “How would you like it if you came to my house, and I had a clown-skin rug on my floor?”

“That’s different. That’s murder.”

“Right. How is it different? Both are creatures of the Earth.”

“It’s just different.”

“You’re a hypocrite.”

“Enough!” Jiggles cried out. “I didn’t bring you here to argue. I just wanted to show you my new life. I’m tired of arguing.” Then he started to cry. “I know you don’t like me, but I wanted to just be friends anyways, for at least one day. I’m sorry I’m just a creepy naked clown doll, but I have feelings, too. If you want to leave, just leave. But if you want some pancakes, you can stay. I’d be happy to make them for you. We can share a nice brunch, have some coffee, stimulating conversation, and then you can be on your way. The choice is yours.”

Bevin looked around and sighed. “Okay. I guess I could go for some pancakes and coffee.”

Jiggles jumped and put a fist in the air. “Yippee!” he gleefully exclaimed.

Jiggles served him at the dining table that sat beneath an antler chandelier. “I decided to go with blueberry pancakes. I hope you like blueberries.”

“Blueberries are fine… But I still have to know. How did you build all this?”

“I have special powers. Levitation and the manipulation of objects, for example. Care for some authentic Log Cabin syrup for your pancakes?”

“Yes, please… This place is quite impressive.”

“Thank you for saying so,” Jiggles said with a friendly yet creepy smile. “My magic is quite intense.”

“Damn, these are some of the best blueberry pancakes I ever had. Well, except for this breakfast place in Nashville I went to on a date once.”

“With a woman?”

“Yes, with a woman.”

“A real woman or like a mannequin?”

“Believe me, she had a pulse.”

“Oh, did you get some action?”

“We made out in the car, and I put my hand between her legs.”

“Wow, look at you.”

“But back to your magic. Do you think you could use it to make me a better person?”

“A better person?”

“Yes. Not a failure in every aspect of life. I want a completely new personality. You know, like Peter Brady on The Brady Bunch. He was failing with chicks, and it was because he had no personality.”

“Ah, but if you recall, Sir Bevin, it wasn’t that he needed a new personality, it was that he just needed to embrace himself for who he really was. In other words, be yourself.”

“But being myself sucks! Oh, god. I’ll never amount to anything.”

“What you lack is love for yourself.”

“That’s just weird. What am I supposed to do, stare into the mirror and tell myself I love you.”

“Now, you’re just being sarcastic. Care enough about yourself to stop putting yourself down all the time. Have some faith in you.”

“That seems like a lot of work. Can’t you give me anything?”

Jiggles sighed but eventually gave in. “All right, I suppose I can cast a temporary spell of confidence. Close your eyes, and clear your mind…”

---

Bevin hiked back to town with spirit in his step. He felt great, full of confidence. He stopped by the hotel’s front desk to talk to Heather.

“I’m sorry about all that drunken drinking business, but rest assured, it will never happen again, for I am cured of my demons,” he told her.

“That’s wonderful,” she said. “You seem totally different today. I love your aura of confidence. Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?”

He leaned over the counter, took her hand and kissed it. “I would love to have dinner with you, Heather.”

“Great,” she beamed. “I get off at six. Meet me down here then.”

“Absolutely, beautiful woman. Until we meet again…” and he strolled off with confidence toward the elevators.

---

When he got to his room there was something dark and suspicious about it. The housekeeper had strangely closed the curtains. There was a smell too. It was the smell of… Books.

And it was Jennifer the sexy librarian who rushed out from a corner of darkness and pinned him against the wall and punched him in his balls. “I can’t believe you just left me there like a barrel of trash on the curb!” she wildly screamed. She had a knife and held it against his throat.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jennifer. No need for deadly violence here. I’m terribly sorry for walking out on you at the restaurant.”

“There was a minimum charge, asshole, and tariff and kitchen fees on top of that!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Bevin squirmed. “I’ll gladly pay you for the damage my former personality caused.”

She stepped back but still held the knife up. “Get the money,” she ordered him.

Bevin went to one of his bags and retrieved a white envelop full of cash.

“How much you got in there?” Jennifer wanted to know.

“Twenty-four hundred dollars,” Bevin mistakenly answered. “It’s for my trip. I’m going to travel for a while after I leave here. The funny thing is, I wasn’t expecting to leave here alive, though. I’ve been very depressed lately and figured I’d get so low that I’d hang myself in the bathroom. But now I don’t feel like that at all. I spent some time with a good friend, and we had pancakes, and he gave me counsel on the errors of my life and how to be a better person. Now, I feel great. I even have a dinner date tonight.”

“Great story but give me all that money.” She stuck the knife right at his face and held it there. “Or I’ll carve you up like a Christmas pumpkin.”

“A Christmas pumpkin?”

“I had a weird childhood. Now, give me the cash.” The tip of the knife touched right below his eye.

“Okay, okay, here, take it,” Bevin said, and he handed her the envelope.

She snatched it from his hand, pulled the knife away, and French kissed him.

“What the hell was that about?” Bevin wanted to know.

“It’s our second date, and I kiss on the second date. Have fun tonight with your new gal pal. Try not to walk out on her… And thanks for the dough, but I got to go.”

And with that she went to the door and slipped out into the light of the hallway.

Bevin went and sat on the edge of one of the beds. He laughed to himself in the silence. “Oh boy. What an incredibly weird day,” he said aloud to the fuzzy darkness. “It’s like a day of great consequences. Do I live, or do I die? The entire future of my existence, or lack thereof, depends on me and my choices. Wow. I am confident I will make the right one.”

He sat there for a few moments in the stillness before getting up, walking into the bathroom, and gently closing the door.

END

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Special thanks to Edge of Humanity Magazine for publishing three of my poems recently: Coffee Shop Rain, The Translucent Wander Pain, and Space Curtain. Please go check them out! Also, a reminder that my new e-book is now available for purchase: The Apocalypse Pipe. The print edition is also now available! Thanks for reading and supporting independent creators.