Author’s Note: I have an ongoing personal battle with my local Walgreens store, and it’s recently boiled over into a volcano of emotions and so I have penned a letter to spill the lava within me and help release some of my feelings and this is what I present here:

From: Valued Customer #399745RG43

Dear Walgreens Management Team:

CC: Corporate Office, A Higher Power

Let me get right to it and say your Pharmacy Department is abysmal, and if you don’t know what abysmal means, it means pretty darn awful.

There isn’t a single time that I go to pick up a prescription that the drive-thru line is not backed up to the street or the line inside isn’t all the way back to the door to the restrooms. Why do I and others have to divest so much of our personal time just to get the medicine we need?

I’ll tell you. Corporate greed. You all make billions and billions of dollars a year and you can’t hire one or two more people to work the counter? (But continue to raise prices).

And another reason? Your pharmacy staff is untrained and unqualified. Do you only hire GED flunkies and Taco Bell rejects? Now, I know that was being a bit harsh, but I’m just being honest.

However, in fairness, I will have to say you do have some competent people there. It’s just a shame they are so overworked and overburdened. (And surely underpaid). And why do you have them call me every day to ask about a refill or how I’m doing on a new med? You can tell by their tone of voice they hate doing this. Their exasperation is clear and evident. Let them just do their jobs and fill prescriptions. I don’t need them blowing up my phone with nonsense.

I do have a couple of personal experiences I must relay concerning one of your pharmacy counter people. I don’t know her name because she was not wearing a nametag which is most likely in violation of company dress code. But I can tell you she has dark hair. Anyways, during one of these encounters, I was told by her that I could NOT buy Sudafed for someone else. (My wife was home sick and needed it). What? Why!? Luckily, a tall, thin blonde girl (somewhat resembling the Elven Commander of the Northern Armies, Galadriel) stepped in and got it for me. I could tell she was frustrated by Miss Dumb Bunny’s lack of competence. I’m thankful she was helpful, but she was also a little bit mean, which I can understand. I know these people must have to put up with jerks every single day. (As well as BS corporate edicts). We on the other side of the counter are not without our faults.

Anyways, a second encounter with Miss Dumb Bunny included her frightfully apparent lack of knowledge of drug names / uses for. She seemed to be stunned into submission by big, scientific words. I realize that she is not a licensed pharmacist, but she works in a pharmacy! Should she not have a reasonable level of knowledge of her field when she’s handing out pills? It is concerning that these people without proper education / training / skills are dealing with medication for HUMAN BEINGS. And I will note again, this is not Taco Bell. Yet you seem to require no higher knowledge or skill set to work in a pharmacy. I need pills for my nervous disorder (which is continually exacerbated by trips to Walgreens), not a bean burrito or chimichanga with a refreshing ice-cold Mountain Dew.

Look, I get it. You all hate customers. People suck. People are rude, hateful, selfish, unclean. Everyone would much rather be home doing a craft they love instead of trying to make a living pedaling products and services to complete A-holes just to make someone else rich. Our hearts and souls are just not into this capitalistic garbage. This whole scene, man. It’s just not what we were destined to do. You know, as a people. This is just not in our DNA, that of which was structured eons ago on a distant planet in a distant galaxy. We were not made for Earth — don’t you see? This star is too close. Tis the reason you all sell sunglasses and sunscreen.

Yet your corporate gods keep feeding us this crap via commercials depicting glowing beings in ivory lab coats servicing our every need with big, fake smiles full of perfectly white teeth. All the money spent on PR advertising hogwash — how many people could we feed, clothe, cure, and house? The world could be a very different place indeed.

But here we are. Grinding away and killing ourselves and for what? A lousy paycheck that just doesn’t fit the bill — literally. We live our lives within the twisted veil of panic, worry, and stress. All because of the evil dollar. But hey, let’s worship our overflowingly rich slave masters. Let us bow to orange-faced passers of flatulence. Hopefully he won’t have to wait too long in line at Walgreens to get some medicine for that. Oh boy.

So, there you have it, enthusiastic, high-fiving Walgreens management team. My pharmacy frustrations spilled upon a paper platter and digital device. I suspect nothing will change and the next time I go in to pick up a prescription I will be greeted with a disgruntled long line and a clerk who doesn’t know a popular injectable antidiabetic medication needs to be refrigerated and spends 15 minutes looking all over the place for it (except in the refrigerator). Doink!

Best wishes,

Valued Customer #399745RG43