Month: January 2023

  • The Crowns of Pluto (4.)

    Crowns of Pluto.

    The great garden hummed from the heart of the machines that gave it life. It was the crowning achievement of our outpost Station Kronos Kuiper, three varied places of warmth and green and the colors of all the gardens back on Earth combined — the Crowns of Pluto.

    It was a very large place of glass and domes and shining gray walls slick with beads of circulated water in which the vines swam upward upon. A pathway of turquoise and gold brick wound up and down and all around and you could follow it deep into the garden or stay close to a place to heal one’s space soul. The bridges were bowed and held one above the various small streams of perfect blue because of the enzymes — unsoiled ocean water blue.

    The trees were immense and varied, the works of genius minds and artists, somehow altered by chemical gravity to bloom quickly like a porcelain doll with animal organs. They had thick trunks and veins that pumped the energy and gave us breath. Artificial birds hop from limb to limb, mechanical insects buzz, computerized children play in the open spaces of yellow green and where the tumbling towers jut up toward outer space on wings of imagination. Their candied eyes rotate with innocent hope.

    And now it is all mine to enjoy, to wallow in, to escape to. The man-made nature speaks to me as it bubbles in liquid light of blue and mellow orange sun. I can look up to the thick, protective glass domes and see night and all its stars at the same time I can walk beneath the chemical rainbows and hydroponic sun beams.

    I wonder at times if it is the garden of good and evil versus the heartless psychology of man as I sit on a bench alone and look out at it all, breathe it in. They scented the air with lilac and linen and ocean water and man’s own pollution, too. Pollution on Pluto cannot breathe.

    The Paper People hang like bats up high. I can sense one eye opening at first in wonder of what my visit today or any other day means. Then like dominoes falling upon each other, all their other eyes open and their judgement cascades like an Earthly waterfall.

    “How did you get in here!?” I yelled up to the colony. “The doors are not meant for you. Only me.”

    There was a shrill, haunting call like nothing I have ever heard. It was that of a pained, frightened beast searching for mercy at the same time it was pouncing to kill. It was nothing like the usual song they sang. Then the young woman from the Italian villa was sitting right beside me. She had her head turned and was looking straight into my eyes with those emerald pupils, but they did not move, they did not exhibit life or heart, only disappointment in the tragedy I had bequeathed her.

    It was a jolt to my system, and I leapt up off the bench. Her empty eyes followed me. I wanted to run, but like in a dream I couldn’t, my feet were locked in place. But where was I to run? The complex, the station itself where I now existed in this outer world place, it was large, winding, a mystical mystery created by many before me. Perhaps I was ill prepared to live here after all.

    But here I was alone, so I thought. The reproduction did not work. We don’t know why. They never figured it out, but some blamed the atmosphere or lack of it, even though we had created our own. Some blamed the biology of our physical systems and the transformation that occurred. I never fully understood it. Physical love existed, not for me, but for others, but the seeds of a new life never took hold as they should have. The ones once with me never figured it out. I think it was something that they never thought would happen. We were unprepared for our own extinction. But is that any different from how we lived on any world or place and time? I don’t know.


    But life has come here after all. Life in the forms of phantoms and ghosts or perhaps just the material products of my own mind, my own dreams and imagination. Like I have said before, maybe I am going mad and none of this is real. Maybe I am still asleep and travelling. Maybe I have yet to wake up.

    But there the girl from the Italian villa of my memories was, seemingly in soul and flesh, breathing but blind, her arms outstretched and reaching for me. Did she want to embrace and soothe my guilt, or was she ready to strangle me?

    I was finally able to pull my feet from the muck of a dream and I got away from her. I ran through the gardens, the leafy heartbeats all around me, the fake blue sky and its phosphorous clouds of virgin cream mixed up in it like beautiful batter. I made my way for the large arched opening in the far high wall. I looked up at the slithering vines of botanical life, thin columns of Jack’s beanstalks on their way to the heavens and a golden goose and a wicked giant.

    I went through the archway and into the artificial city. Cinderella City they called it. A representation of one at least. It was built for psychological purposes. Each sector was assigned a color and everything in it fell under that color — blue, red, gold, green. The space offered us a piece of home, sanity, clarity, hope to tether ourselves to in case the fear got to be too much. And now the fear in me was too much. I could feel my nerves trembling beneath my skin. I looked back through to the other side of the archway. There was this Wizard of Oz glow about it. It was beautiful but empty. Neither the girl nor the Paper People had followed. I suppose they didn’t need to. All they had to do was wait for me, for I would always be here in one form or another.


    Author’s note: This is the fourth piece of this play-around project. Visit cerealaftersex.com to read the previous chapters. I hope to craft more of this story over time as an experiment in writing some science fiction, or something like that. Thanks for reading and supporting independent content creators who just want to do what they love to do.

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  • Weird Upstairs Walking Guy

    Weird walking transsexual guy with long hair in trendy respirator mask.
    Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com



    There is this guy see
    who lives upstairs from me
    he’s the weird upstairs walking guy
    walks and walks
    but he never says hi – until today
    he looked disheveled and bruised
    hair all a muss
    toting a bank bag full of money
    and I’m wondering what all the walking is for
    floor to floor
    he walks and walks
    till a quarter to four


    Is he shooting darts
    or is he shooting junk
    is he hiding a decapitated head
    in a hand-carved wooden trunk
    has he stashed away the body of Cinderella
    takes her out in the deep of night
    combs her brittle golden locks
    until she looks just right
    props her up on the couch beside him
    as they munch popcorn
    and watch “I am Sam …”

    Or maybe he’s a Buddhist
    with incense and candles
    and lots and lots of fluffy pillows
    he kneels on his straw mat
    and bows to the sun or to the moon
    or to the neighbor beating his dog and grandma
    with a pinecone and a bat

    I always see him solo
    never with a mate
    and I wonder what his story is
    what is his twisted tale of fate
    how old is he
    how much does he weigh
    does he believe in Jesus
    or follow his own way
    what does he think about
    when he drives to Albuquerque
    does he play a Steinway
    or toot on a green bottle flute
    enticing the charms
    to rise from the ashes buried in his carpet
    does he drink white wine or red
    what does it mean
    when he screams like that
    is it merely bad dreams
    or frustration bubbling to the surface
    in the form of dragon fizz and warm oil

    Does he watch Regis and Oprah
    and maybe Dr. Phil
    or does he watch the motion on the ocean
    three vodkas and three pills
    is he a menace to society
    or one of the popes
    does he smoke razor blades
    or psychedelic dope
    is he a war veteran
    or a homosexual
    does he eat pot pies
    or filet mignon
    is he French
    or is he Irish
    does he have nightmares
    or fairy tale dreams
    does he have children
    or maybe a wife
    has he attempted suicide
    with a rusty fruit knife
    has he called on Allah
    to save this bloody world
    or does he sit back and sip martinis
    whilst smoking Izmir Stingers
    not really giving a damn
    about his brain anymore

    All this I wonder
    but don’t really care
    I wish he would just stop walking
    and leave me to my Russian bear
    the one that looks me in the mirror
    and says…
    Please don’t stare.



  • Tecumah (End)

    For Tecumah. A creepy doll face.

    I drove over to Tecumah’s earthen home to see if I could score some devil’s lettuce off him, but he wasn’t there. I tooled around Taos for a bit, got some lunch at a restaurant made from a huge clay pot, went to a bookstore that was like a barn, and then paid homage to D.H. Lawrence’s ashes in the hills.

    After that, I picked up two big bottles of wicked agave tequila and then headed back over to Javlin’s place for the party. I was a bit nervous, as I usually am when about to meet new people and took a few big schlucks of the mad drink I had bought before going to the door of the now shuttered gallery.

    I knocked and Javlin came bounding forth out of the shadows like a creepy criminal. He was wearing a dress and he had put his hair in pigtails and had white, powdery makeup all over his face.

    “Thom! Thom!” he exclaimed. “You have arrived, and I couldn’t be happier! Please, come in.” And he twirled around like a dancer high on life.

    I stepped inside, dazed, and confused. It seemed quiet and void of people. “So, where’s the party?” I asked.

    “Upstairs Thom. Everyone is upstairs and we’ve been waiting for you! This is so exciting!”

    I followed Javlin up the narrow staircase, having to look at his pale, stubbly legs jutting out from the bottom of the dress as we ascended.

    “Here we are then!” And Javlin spread his arms wide and had a huge grin on his face.

    “Is this some kind of joke?” I thought to myself as I looked about the apartment above the gallery where he lived. There was a round table set in the middle and around the table were five chairs. Two of the chairs were empty, but in the other chairs sat three dolls, all with cracked, odd faces and dressed in torn doll clothing.

    “What the hell is this?” I asked Javlin in all seriousness.

    His smile suddenly drooped. “It’s a tea party, Thom, and you’re the guest of honor. Don’t you like it?”

    “It’s weird, man.”

    “Nonsense! Let me introduce you to everyone.”

    He grabbed me by the arm and took me around the table to show off each doll.

    “Okay, this little guy is Javlicious, this sweetie pie is Javlene and this adorable one is Javsie… Well come on Thom, don’t be rude. Say hello.”

    I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t believe it. “Hello,” I embarrassingly muttered.

    “Well,” Javlin began, prancing about the table, “Now that everyone knows each other, let’s sit down and have some tea and talk about shit. Oh, and I made some cookies… Now, now Javlene, don’t hog all the cookies!”

    I looked at the dolls. They made absolutely no effort to move, to speak… To be alive.

    “You can sit here, Thom,” Javlin said, and he pulled out a small chair from the table.

    “That’s a small chair. I’m afraid I might break it.”

    “It may be a small chair, but it’s mighty powerful,” and then he yelled “Yee Ha!” as loud as he could.

    “I think you need a doctor, Javlin,” I told him. “I think you’re mentally ill.”

    “What are you talking about, Thom? I’m just trying to have a little fun. Why do you always have to be such a stick in the mud? Don’t be a party pooper. No one enjoys the company of a party pooper.”

    “It’s just… You have to admit, this is all pretty bizarre, even for you. I mean, the dress, the hair, the dolls… They’re so creepy.”

    He looked at me as if he wanted to kill me. “You apologize, Thom! Apologize right now!”

    “No. This is stupid. I’m leaving.”

    I turned to walk away and that’s when Javlin’s big hand came down on my shoulder and he shoved me into one of the small chairs. “You’re being quite rude, Thom, and I don’t like it! Now apologize to my friends so that we can get on with the evening!”

    I looked around at the bizarre, lifeless dolls. Javlin was breathing heavy and twirling his hair with his club-like fingers. He glared at me with crazy, swirling eyes. “Apologize!”

    “Okay, okay. I’m sorry everyone. I sincerely apologize.”

    “Excellent,” Javlin said. “Now we can get on with the festivities.”

    Javlin sat down and then reached for the big, plastic tea pot in the middle of the table. He gingerly poured pretend tea into everyone’s cup.

    I looked down into my empty teacup. “There’s nothing in here,” I said.

    Javlin slammed his big fist on the table, and everything shook. “Damn it, Thom! Haven’t you ever attended a tea party? You have to use your imagination.”

    I watched as Javlin lifted his teacup, extended his pinky finger, and sipped at the pretend tea. “Ouch,” he squealed and then giggled. “That’s hot shit.”

    I looked over at the dolls and they remained immobile and lifeless in their seats.

    “They’re not drinking theirs,” I said to Javlin. “Why do I have to drink mine?”

    “Jesus, Thom, quit being such a tool… And yes, they are drinking their tea and eating the cookies.”

    “I brought some good tequila, Javlin. You were always fond of a good tequila glow. Can’t we drink that?”

    “No, Thom, they’re minors, they can’t drink alcohol. God, are you dumb.”

    “Well, they don’t have to drink it, we can just drink it. It will be like old times,” I tried to convince him.

    “I refuse to be a bad influence in front of my friends, Thom, but if you want to be all drunk and weird, go ahead I guess.”

    I retrieved one of the bottles from my saddlebag and began to drink it down like it was a jug of water.

    Javlin looked at me, appalled, as I filled my wishing well of emotions. “You keep drinking like that Thom and you’re going to die.”

    “And if you keep playing with dolls, they’re going to lock you up,” I said back to him.

    Javlin cupped his ear in the direction of the doll named Javlene. “What’s that? Yes, he is being quite an asshole.”

    I set the bottle down on the tea party table. “I’m sorry, Javlin, but I just can’t do this anymore. I think I’m going to leave.”

    “You can’t leave,” the three dolls said in unison. “The party is just starting. We’re going to have lots of fun.”

    I tried to shake the bad mojo out of my head. “What? Did they just talk?”

    “Of course, they talked. They’ve been talking to you all night, Thom,” Javlin said to me. “And I must say, you’ve been very rude to them, constantly ignoring them like you have.”

    “Let’s kill him,” the doll named Javlicious said. “I’ll kill him myself… With my trusty little brick here.”

    “Yes, let’s kill him,” the two other devotchka dolls chimed in. “You should have believed in us. You lack true faith.”

    And then they all started chanting together — “Kill him, kill him, throw him out a window.”

    And the dolls got out of their seats and started coming toward me, and that’s when I upended the table and went for the stairs, but Javlin stuck out his big foot and tripped me and I went tumbling down.

    And then it was the three dolls on top of me pounding away real horrorshow on my body and bones. Small, but powerful tolchocks that I could just not defend. I tried grabbing one by the throat and tossing her aside, but she bit into me hard, and my red blood began to flow.

    “Javlin! For God’s sake, please help me!” That’s what I yelled out to him, but he just stood there grinning and chuckling with his mussed pigtails all jutting out to the side and his sloppy face all happily evil and glad that I was being legitimately raped by three porcelain dolls with cracked flesh, and they just kept beating on me and beating on me until I just couldn’t take it anymore and all went dark and then to bright light and then suddenly somewhere else.


    Tecumah sat in the passenger seat of my red Ford Probe as I gunned the engine.

    “Now remember,” he said. “You have to jump out or you’ll go with it… And then, you’ll be finished too.”

    And he made the motion of sliding his finger across his throat to indicate death.

    “All right, all right. Let’s do this,” I said.

    We lurched forward along the dirt roadway toward the edge of the cliff overlooking the beautiful valley. I stomped on the accelerator.

    “Slow down! Slow down!” Tecumah yelled. “You don’t need to go that fast!”

    But I ignored him, and then it was Tecumah bailing out the passenger side. I watched him in the rear-view mirror as he tumbled away in the dust and dollops of high desert brush, getting ever further and further away.

    And then it was the lip of the cliff and like floating off to Heaven for me, my guts all wobbly and feeling funny as I went over the edge, up for a fraction of a second, and then quickly down, down, down, and I was no longer afraid of dying or anything for that matter. Everything was done. I made as much peace with the world as I could and that’s all I could do. I could do no more. I was tired of trying to gnaw through the bone of Idiotland. I was tired, and I needed a long rest.

    And then there was a heavy crash and then fire and then burning, and bright light like royal sun forever.

    END


    You can read the previous parts of this story HERE and HERE, or visit cerealaftersex.com.

    Thanks for reading and supporting independent writers and publishers.


  • The Captain and the Snowman

    This captain’s boat skims into the harbor at dim and dawn

    The brick of the buildings bruised and brown, the soot of man coming down

    Three bars of silver light, sun reflections, eyes of heat and love

    Gazing into the past he goes, at the hotel by the sea

    The room is painted blue like the ocean, the heavy drapes keep the room dark

    A naked slide to the window, to part, to look out

    Someone there down on the dock, someone who isn’t someone

    The mists graze upon the locks, feed on the shadow, it falls into the water

    The betrayal cracks a leaf-littered mirror, he presses on nonetheless

    Down to the dining hall the captain goes

    His guts all a rumble

    Time for some swordfish and slaw, peach pie and indecent exposure

    Nerves gnawing like Caligula on grapes

    Buttered rum biscuits, naked silhouetted napkins, a firing squad bursts from the kitchen

    It’s play bang, play dead time

    The pirate fry cook swings his narwhal spike sword with an aim to maim

    The ghetto mushrooms have been tainted with habanero rainbows,

    The hands of maniacs stick like school glue exponential

    The math on the board is so puzzling, a girl with golden hair swallowed the white chalk

    Writing out geometric formulaic hypothesis on crackers and pool tables with her soul

    The balls of all slowly crawl across the matted green felt, like in a jail release bar

    On another star, so afar

    Someone wondered if he was coming to the New Year’s ball

    A woman dressed as a goat and holding an unripe papaya

    She claimed it was to save her from the inevitable pains in her stomach

    She said she lived in a pink house on another planet right next door to John Cougar Mellencamp

    The cloud of people wondered what gaseous cloud had overtaken her, she was senseless, eccentric

    Gravity all nonsense

    Like dream gravy in a spaceship, like green Gazoo in a parking lot pole.


    They called Captain Wild Nuts to the front to accept his award for being the most solitary sailor of the world.

    They wondered how he could do so much alone, he tried to speak between the lines of the camera flashes exploding in his wayward face.

    “That’s enough!” he finally cried out. “Put away your pens and your recorders of thought and your digital image makers. I am merely a Puff, like a dragon high in the hedges of some warm English lane.”

    He went back to his table to a round of soft unintended applause.

    “He’s so weird,” someone whispered loudly.

    Captain Chaos took his seat and leaned toward the snowman with the carrot cock for a nose. “Aren’t you afraid you’re going to melt?” the captain asked. “It’s warm in here with all these pointless bodies.”

    “I’ve melted through a thousand and one lifetimes… So, no. There is nothing to fear. The other side is wonderful. Congratulations, by the way.”

    “Can I ask you something?” the captain said to the snowman with the carrot cock nose and two eyes of coal.

    “What’s that, Captain?”

    “Do you eat ice cream?”

    “I love ice cream… And the best part is, if it drips down on me, it doesn’t matter.”

    The captain chuckled. “I want to get out of here. This place is full of stuffy stiffs, and I hate it. I’ve been to this port before, and I know of a wonderful ice cream shoppe just across the road from here. If you’d like to come with me, I’ll buy you a cone or a dish or whatever you’d like.”

    “Why thank you, captain. I would like that.”


    “You can call me Captain Vanilla, by the way,” the captain said to the snowman as they trudged through winter walkways toward the ice cream shoppe beyond the veil of swirling snow.

    “Your name seems to change every five minutes or so. Why is that?”

    The captain laughed. “You’re quite sharp for a snowman with no straight edges. The truth is, I’m in hiding. There are people after me.”

    “Whatever for?” the snowman wanted to know.

    “For being a menace to society, I suppose.”

    “But you’re the most solitary sailor of the world… How could you possibly be a menace to society.”

    “They just got me pegged, I guess… And I don’t even have a peg leg,” the captain roared.

    The bell to the ice cream shoppe jingled like Christmas when they pushed through the door.

    A man behind the counter took an instant dislike to them. “Hey! You can’t bring a snowman in here. I don’t want slush all over the floor. He’ll have to wait outside.”

    “But kind sir. I promised my friend here an ice cream.”

    “Outside!”

    The captain turned to the snowman. “I’m sorry about this… What kind of ice cream would you like?”

    The snowman was crushed. Tears of ash and soot ran down his face. “Oh, never mind. I’ll just go and stand in a field or something and wait for spring to murder me.” He trundled out the door and stood on the walk and looked in through the window.

    The captain felt his pain like he felt everyone’s pain. He sharply turned to the man behind the counter and raised a sea-hardened finger. “Do you get your jollies over being mean to people, huh? He’s never done you a day of wrong and you treated him horribly. All he wanted was some ice cream and you made him feel like less of a person for it. What do you have to say for yourself.”

    The man behind the counter scowled at the captain. He rolled up his sleeves and crossed two thick arms across his puffed-out chest. “He’s a snowman, not a person. I’ve got rights as a business owner, and I got the say when it comes to who I want to serve and who I don’t want to serve. If you don’t like it, join your weepy friend on the other side of the door.”

    The captain backed up and looked in the case at all the different kinds of ice cream. “Do you have pistachio?”

    “Not today.”

    “How about mint chocolate chip?”

    “Do you want a cup or a cone, and how many scoops?”

    “Hmm… Two scoops in a cone. One of those pointy ones.”

    The gruff man behind the counter went to work making the captain’s ice cream cone. He handed it to him. “That’ll be $4.50.”

    The captain dug in his coat for the money and handed it over. “Thanks. Have a fine day.”

    “Right,” the man behind the ice cream counter grumbled. “A fine day.”


    The captain went to sit on a bench in a snowy park not far from the hotel. He sat there in the flurries licking at his ice cream cone and watching the snowman who was just standing there some ways off near a clump of leafless trees, the branches casting outward like witches’ fingers.

    A small group of unruly children from the wrong side of the town were passing through the park. They were making noise and tossing hastily made snowballs at each other. When they reached the snowman, they paused. One of the boys started punching him in the midsection. They all laughed. Another boy started kicking at the snowman. They all laughed some more. Another boy still, yanked the carrot cock nose from the snowman’s face and started stabbing at him with it while the others cheered him on.

    The captain had had enough, and he went over to the small cluster of rabble rousers to put a stop to their bullying. “Knock that off, boys! That’s no way to treat a snowman. He’s, my friend.”

    They all laughed at the captain in a loud mocking way. “Piss off, old man!” one of the boys yelled at him.

    “Yeah, piss off!” said another. “Don’t you have a ferry to catch… Fairy.”

    One of them threw a snowball at the captain and it smacked him in the shoulder.

    That angered the captain, and he threw his ice cream cone at the boy, and it splattered right in his face. “Yeah, how do you like that ya little shit!” And he looked at the circle of misfits and raised his arms to make himself look more threatening and he made a loud, unintelligible warbling sound like some crazy bird. The boys looked at each other and then decided it would be best if they ran off to get away from this deranged sea captain defending a snowman in a snowy park in a faraway place on a wayward day with little to no meaning but with plenty of meaning just the same.

    The captain went to retrieve the snowman’s carrot cock nose and stuck it back in his face. “There you go,” he said as he adjusted it just right. “Now you can breathe again and smell things.”

    “Thanks, captain. And thanks for helping out with that brood of bastards. I’m sure they would have done me in completely if you hadn’t come along.”

    The captain took a deep breath and looked around. “Well… I’m a captain, that’s what I do. And you’re my friend. I’m sure you would have done the same for me.”

    The snowman shifted uncomfortably and tried to smile. “I… Guess I would have.”

    “What do you mean, you guess you would have.”

    “I mean. Well… It’s not like I’m in love with you or anything. And besides, I’m not one for violence.”

    The captain was shocked and took a step back. “Why you… You ungrateful little shit of a snowman! I risked my life for you. I risked my freedom for you! Why, right now that boy could be telling his father that I assaulted him with a mint chocolate chip ice cream cone and the next thing you know, here come the coppers ready to lock me up. All because I considered you a friend and I wanted to protect you! Well, isn’t that a fine kettle of fish!”

    The snowman shrugged. “Sorry. That’s just how I feel.”

    The captain rushed at the snowman and plucked the carrot cock nose from his face and threw it as hard and as far as he could. “There! I hope you suffocate!”

    “I still have a mouth… Hee hee hee,” the snowman snickered.

    The captain ferociously rushed him once more and knocked the snowman’s head off. He kicked at it after it thumped to the ground. He screamed loudly as he repeatedly stomped on it.


    The cop was watching him from a distance and now spoke into his handset. “Yeah, I found him. Looks like some kind of nut job. He’s smashing the poor kids’ snowman. I’ll make contact.”

    The captain was startled and turned when the officer called out to him. “Hey! What are you doing there?”

    “Oh, hello officer,” the captain chuckled. “I suppose I look quite silly smashing up this snowman.”

    “Uh, huh. A young boy says some man in the park threw an ice cream cone at him. Do you know anything about that?” the cop asked.

    The captain sighed. “Yes, officer. That was me. But I only did it because he threw a snowball at me and him and the other boys, they were messing with my friend here.”

    “Your friend?”

    “The snowman. He came to life. We had a good time together, but then that prick at the ice cream store wouldn’t serve him… Oh, never mind. It’s a long story.”

    “Uh, huh. Turn around sir and place your hands behind your back. You can tell your story to the judge.”

    The captain stayed quiet as he rode in the back of the police car. He looked out the window at the white, cold world and wondered why he was even born. He looked out at the harbor and his ship was gone. It was gone because it was never there. None of it was ever there. He had simply ridden the waves of the rough surf inside his own head once again. The captain laughed out loud when the jail came into view. He saw the nearby corner bar with the red neon and knew that was going to be his first stop when he got out.

    END


  • Tecumah (2.)

    Taos for Tecumah.
Photo by Aaron A. Cinder

    And she’s sleeping next to a guy she doesn’t even love… Why?

    And I awoke abruptly in Tecumah’s earthen house, thinking of space angels and their precious and pounding red hearts. I hurt like a madman. I just wanted to hold the barrel of life again, feel the touch of its entirety in one big loving gulp, but then again, I was coming down from a mad dream and I ached all over and I thought I saw Tecumah boiling something in a pot.

    “Come to the table, sit down. It’s breakfast time,” Tecumah said.

    I got up and wobbled over to the table and sat down. He placed a steaming cup of something in front of me along with a bowl of Easter eggs.

    “Drink that and eat those,” he said. “It will make you feel better.”

    “Easter eggs? But it’s almost Christmas.”

    “So what? I like cooking and coloring Easter eggs. It’s my hobby. It calms my nerves.”

    “That explains all the chickens running around in your yard then, eh?”

    Tecumah looked out the window.

    “Yes, I suppose it does.”

    I sipped the hot drink and peeled some eggs and ate them with salt.

    “Are we still going to drive your piece of shit car off a cliff today?” Tecumah asked in all seriousness.

    “No, I better not. I have some things to do today.”

    Tecumah huffed.

    “That’s too bad, I was looking forward to sending that thing over the edge.”

    “I have to drop my painting off at my friend’s gallery. He’ll be waiting for me.”

    “All right then. I’ll ride you over to the motel and you can pick up your piece of shit car. But if you want to get wicked again before you leave town, just stop by. I’ll be ready to go.”


    The little bell on the door of the gallery went dingy dingy when I went in.

    “Welly, welly, welly well! Hooray, for he has finally arrived,” said my longtime friend and “A Clockwork Orange” fanatic Javlin Francis Fitch, jumping up from behind the counter and rushing over to give me a big, rumbling handshake.

    “So, this is it then, eh?” he asked, his wide chocolate eyes dancing all over the parcel dangling from my sore fingers.

    “Indeed, it is. Vagina Waterfall, as you requested.”

    “Well, open it up then will you. I want to see it,” Javlin said impatiently.

    I stripped the brown paper off the painting and held it up for him to see.

    “Just as I remember!” Javlin said, all happy and insane, his bushy rusted curls bouncing around. “Seems like it was just yesterday I was sitting on your couch in your super hip Nob Hill pad looking up at the wall and admiring this painting while we got baked to oblivion. Those sure were some good times.”

    “A lot of good times. So, how do you like Taos then?” I asked.

    “It’s pretty hip and super fresh,” Javlin said, lifting the painting up and holding it against a piece of bare white wall. “I’ve made lots of friends. We should all get together before you leave town. I think tonight would be a fine and proper time. Perhaps a tea party. My dolls would just love that.”

    “Are you sure you’re okay, Javlin? You seem a bit off.”

    He turned quickly and glared at me.

    “Off? What do you mean off? Are you saying I’m crazy or something?”

    “No, I was just…”

    “Because I’m not crazy Thom Hatt! You’re the one who is crazy.” He scoffed as he turned back to the picture. “Seriously. Painting a waterfall that looks like a vagina!?”

    “I never intended it to be perceived as a vagina, it’s just a waterfall for Christ’s sake! You came up with the name! And what’s with the big pervert moustache? You’ve never had that before.”

    “I’m a creative soul Thom and creative souls have big, bushy moustaches, and it’s not perverted, and if you don’t like it, well, then you can just zip it.”

    Javlin went back to placing my painting on the wall and didn’t talk to me for 20 minutes. I strolled around the gallery looking at all the luscious landscape paintings of mountains and canyons and lovely juniper green Earth spirits prancing around in native garb.

    “You have some very nice paintings here, Javlin.”

    “Why don’t you buy something then?” he said to me in a very uncharacteristic sarcastic tone. “It would be nice if I could at least afford a pot pie to eat.”

    “I’m a minimalist, I don’t need things.”

    “These aren’t just things, Thom! This is art,” he said as he gestured with his hands and looked around the gallery. “You sure do have a screwed-up head. A minimalist, geez, whatever.”

    “I think I’m going to go now. You can do whatever you want with the painting. I hope it sells and you make enough money to buy some pot pies.”

    “Well, I hope you plan on staying in town long enough to enjoy them with me. Mmm, I can already smell them baking away in the oven. I’ve really come to love the golden flaky crust, the creamy gravy, the crisp garden-fresh vegetables.”

    Warily, I asked. “You’re not involved with that cult again, are you?”

    “Cult? What cult?”

    “You know what I’m talking about… The Cult of Steamy Goodness. That whole ordeal in that other part of New Mexico. Don’t play dumb.”

    He paused, looked at me and then waved a hand in my direction. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course, I’m not involved again. I just happen to enjoy a good pot pie occasionally. It’s not against the law. Gee whiz, Thom. Give a guy a break.”

    “Sorry, Javlin. I didn’t mean to be such an A-Hole. I just know how you can take things to the extreme at times. I don’t want to see you get messed up like that again. It was troubling.”

    “You don’t have to worry about me… Our spiritual leader ran off to Montana and got involved with a woman and fly fishing. Eww. Seems he’s just an ordinary fella after all.” And then Javlin suddenly rushed toward a window near the back of the gallery and lifted it open.

    “You damn squirrels get the hell out of here!” he yelled. “You come around here again, and I’ll blast your nuts off!”

    He slammed the window shut. “Sorry about that. It’s just those damn squirrels get me so upset!”

    “Right. The issue with squirrels.”

    “Yes, the issue with squirrels. Did you know he’s in jail now.”

    “Bumble Bill is in jail?”

    “Yes, and they should throw away the key. He was the absolute worst newspaper photographer I ever had the displeasure of working with. I’m so glad to be done with that whole racket.”

    “Why is he in jail?”

    Javlin laughed out loud. “His atrocious photos!… No. Seems he was kidnapping children and squirrels and forcing them to live together in his basement. He was taking pictures of them as they interacted. He claimed it to be scientific research but obviously no one bought that defense. They didn’t get him for the pictures, just the kidnapping. The children, of course. They didn’t care about the squirrels.”

    “Wow. That’s crazy.”

    “Crazy does what crazy is… Or something crazy like that,” Javlin said with an offbeat laugh. And then he started to grit his teeth real hard and pull at his long, wild Bob Dylan hair and his face started turning red like he was holding his breath or something and he was starting to sweat, and he was mumbling gibberish to himself. I thought he was having a stroke.

    “Javlin! Javlin! Are you all right?”

    He let go of his hair and released his breath and soon his face returned to its normal color of pale peach.

    “Dude, what the hell? Are you okay?”

    “Huh, oh, yeah, I’m fine. Flashbacks. A nervous reaction, I’m afraid. Squirrels. Damn squirrels. The past can be a very haunting thing. But how are you, Thom?”

    “I was kind of worried about you there for a bit.”

    “Don’t be Thom. I am hip to the extreme, I am as super fresh as can be. You will come back later for the tea party, right, Thom?”

    “Yes, I suppose I will come, but maybe you should close up and lie down for a while, take a nap or something. Rest your mind for a bit.”

    “That’s a good idea Thom. I think I’ll do that. Thanks for stopping by with the painting. I’m looking forward to visiting with you more.”


    To Be Continued…

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