Liquid Pablo Pablum worked in an insane asylum. He had his own office in the deepest part of the building where the deepest minds of darkness dwell. There was blue carpeting on the floor and walls. He had a mattress on the floor with a pillow and a thin blanket in case he wanted to sleep. There was a desk with a metal lamp sitting on it. Papers and files were sloppily strewn about. He had been staring at the ceiling light and eating Spree candy when the commotion broke out. It was a screaming and banging kind of commotion and it was coming from the female ward.
He ran out of his office and went to where there were two sets of heavy doors, each with a square window of thick glass. They had somehow gotten through the inner door and were pounding on the outer door. The woman whose face was closest to the glass was yelling that she wanted a knife so she could cut herself. Liquid Pablo Pablum looked at her neck and saw a series of thick, raised scars. Sirens started to wail. Lights began to flash. Deep echoing booms rolled like waves throughout the facility as the inmates pounded on their cages like animals…
Liquid Pablo Pablum suddenly woke to the sound of someone tapping on the driver-side window of his car. It was Rose the CVS clerk. He opened the door and got out. “Wow. Hi. Hey,” he said to her as he worked to pull himself together.
“Are you okay?” Rose asked.
“Yeah… I must have fallen asleep and was having the craziest dream.” He leaned in to kiss her.
“Wait,” she insisted. “How about some mouthwash first.”
“Right. Right. Well, just get in the car.”
A stockboy named Stockdale was in the process of dumping some trash when he noticed Rose climbing into a car that belonged to a man who wasn’t her husband. “Gosh darn it all, Rose,” he mumbled to himself. “Who the hell is that?”
The motor hummed and made Liquid Pablo Pablum’s testicles tingle. “So, what do you feel like doing?”
“I thought we were going to go make out.”
“Right. Do you want to go bowling?”
“Are you sure you’re, okay?”
“Yes, why do you keep asking?”
“You seem different.”
“I may be a bit nervous.”
“You weren’t nervous at all earlier in the day.”
“Look, when we get to the bowling alley let’s just have some mouthwash and make out for a while. I’m sure that will settle me right back down… You look hot, by the way.”
“Hot? I just finished an eight-hour shift and I’m wearing these stupid CVS clothes. I doubt I’m very hot.”
“Oh, you’re hot all right. Can’t wait to taste you.”
Rose was a bit shocked, a bit frightened. “I just realized that I don’t even know your name.”
“It’s Pablo. Pablo Pablum.”
“I’ve never made out with a Pablo.”
“Have you made out with a lot of guys, Rose?” Pablo asked with a wondering grin.
She bowed her head and sighed. “Not really. Not for the last 20 years or so.”
Pablo cocked his head and gave her a shifty look. “Strange answer.”
“What’s so strange about it?”
“It’s like you want me to know something but you don’t want me to know something.” He then noticed the ring on her left hand. He waited for her to tell him.
“Maybe you should take me back to CVS.”
She gathered herself and turned to him. “I’m married, Pablo. M-A-R-R-I-E-D. I shouldn’t be doing this.”
Liquid Pablo Pablum put a hand on her leg and squeezed it through her polyester work pants. “You can’t be that married if you’re with me… On your way to make out in the bowling alley parking lot. Seems kind of sleazy don’t you think?”
“Sleazy!? You think I’m sleazy?”
“No. I don’t. I think you’re lonely, unappreciated, overlooked, undervalued. I think you’re not very happy… What’s his name?”
“Jim. He’s a cop.”
Pablo scoffed, then chuckled. “Great.”
“Don’t worry. He’s not a very good one. He’s a fat, lazy one.” She laughed out loud at last.
“Wow, Rose. Way to lighten up. Don’t worry about it, baby. We’re almost there and Pablo will make you feel good.”
Once in the parking lot of the bowling alley, Liquid Pablo Pablum reached behind his seat for the bottle of Close-Up cinnamon-flavored mouthwash. He screwed off the plastic lid and took a swish. Then he passed it to Rose. He opened his door and spit out the rinse. She did the same.
“Well,” Pablo said. “Come here and give me some Stevia.” He laughed because he thought it was funny that he said Stevia instead of sugar because Stevia is a sugar substitute, and he was sort of a substitute man for Rose. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Rose leaned closer to him, and they playfully rubbed the tips of their noses before their mouths parted and the kissing was on. The passion went from 0 to 176 in a few furious seconds. They clamped their hands to each other’s faces and kissed and sucked and slurped and licked and smooched and smacked like the end of the world was marching over the horizon. The hands slid from their faces and went to grope crotches and breasts and thighs and ass cheeks, and the windows of the car were steaming up as the kissing went on at a hot and ferocious pace.
Pablo began to undress, and he wanted her to do the same, but she just caught her breath and suddenly refused. “No… Not here. Not now. I’m not ready.”
Pablo panted. “What? Why?”
“I told you. I’m not ready. Just please respect how I feel.”
Pablo slumped back in his seat. “Geez, Rose. Sometimes you can be a real square.” He made an invisible square in the air with his pointer fingers.
“I’m sorry… No. I’m not sorry. It’s how I feel.”
“What if we were to go somewhere private?”
“No. I really all of a sudden want to go bowling. It’s been so damn long, and I used to love to go bowling. Why have I stopped going bowling?”
“My guess is Jim. Huh?”
Rose made a frowny smirk. “Jim. Talk about a square. He’s the king of squares.”
“All right,” Pablo said. “Let’s go bowling. I wanna see how you handle those big, heavy balls.”
TO BE CONTINUED